Today I have come to the conclusion. I'm so not going to finish all my holiday work. The week before school is going to hit me... hard. Today I've done a pitiful amount of work, it's unreal. And now i'm really procrastinating for the rest of the evening, this is so, so bad. i mean the work is all around me but there is NO motivation. ANYWAY you don't want to hear about my school worries, i'll find time... somewhere i will not sleep until i've decided i have done a fair amount. what i DID want to talk about is that i'm going on a blind date tomorrow, well... it's not really a blind date, i mean i know the guy's name and facebook etc but i've never met him before so it's like a SEMI blind date.
obviously i did the facebook stalk. whoever doesn't do the stalk is weird and whoever says they don't do the stalk is a filthy liar.
the stalk gives you power.
it prepares you.
the stalk is a friend.
so i had a little look, well okay a massive hour long stalk. and it all seemed alright!
he's quite hot, all the groups he's liked i've found funny or agreed with and at the end of the day i have absolutely nothing to lose... apart from a day of school work that i wouldnt have done anyway. and anyway i get to see my friend sarah and her boyfriend both who i love so if it all goes tits up then at least i have that! ALSO, thursday is going to be the first day i'll have seen will since we split up so that could go one of two ways but i know these facts for sure. 1) the people there at the party like me so i wont have to worry about that and 2) will will (see what i did there) make no effort to speak to me. so my decision is this: i will also make no effort, i mean i shouldnt have to and if he really wanted to be friends and make the effort to make the whole situation with everyone less awkward he would have by now. so, his loss. i'm just going to be brilliantly amazing, socialising, playing my beautiful ukulele and just generally rubbing how amazing i am in his face. not that im bitter. ;) no honestly i'm not i just like making a fuss and you should know that by now.
ANYWAY, i have more boy stuff in my life now so i will be able to talk to more often! but i should go now and 'work' (watch tv and eat) plus i have really really painful pins and needles in my hand that hurts like a bitch... im actually a little worried it's going to fall off....
tragic.
Tuesday, 23 August 2011
Friday, 19 August 2011
TimeKeeping Is A Big No No For Me.
i'm sorry for being so late with my post.... 3 months late... but whatever! the thing is i've gone through some shit recently but i am recovered i will tell all but in minimal detail because i am so very lazy, and of course i like talking about myself, the self indulgent person which i am!
Anyway, me and Will are over, and i KNOW i didn't exactly tell you guys we were together but we were for almost 2 months, but now we're not. and it was hard. it was very hard. i think it was because everything was going so well and then it hit me outta the blue.
"why did he end it!?" i hear you cry, well i will tell you because this blog helps me as much as it amuses you!
well he told me he still had feelings for his ex, we'll call her Rachel. now rachel was a close friend of his but i never thought anything of it, especially as she was going out with Will's best friend and they're at the stage when they're seriously talking about marriage. so i was slightly surprised. to put it mildly.
so, we talked about this and the only thing you really need to know is that he said "he still wanted to be with me" take that as a note! i told him to make a proper decision and an hour later i got a gushy, forgiving text asking if i'd stay with him, and STUPIDLY i said yes. i know i know what an idiot i should have kicked that boy out the door as soon as, but like i said i'm an idiot. the next day i woke up feeling SHITE. proper shite. i mean i turned on the radio when a song that reminded me of him came on and i burst into tears on my own in the kitchen. i had a very sad existence that day where i just sat by the phone. i'm an idiot.
right, BEFORE all this surreal shit we had arranged for him to come over on tuesday evening. but he was a no show. it was around that moment when i felt absolutely awful. i couldnt eat i was so nervous, i was snappy and stressed and a crazy bitch and eventhough later he explained why i was seething a little, but mostly just sad.
he dragged it on till wednesday and then we split. i think i kind of mentally prepared myself for it. it was the standard "we should spend some time apart" bajango. after i ate a whole pizza and went to bed. the next day i ate my sister's leftover pizza in my pjs and watched all the xmen films then went out with my friends and got smashed, it was a beautiful thing. the whole week i felt awful but it slowly started to go away. first i felt awful all the time. then only in the mornings and the evenings. then only the mornings. and now it's every so often. i've realised that it's not that i miss HIM anymore, i just miss the relationship. a week after i tried to start a friendly chat but it didn't go anywhere but i'm glad i did, i mean now it's his turn, i've done my part dickhead!
my mummy helped me alot. during my holiday we got drunk at a bar a wrote a list of why i was better off, i recommend doing the list. it's fun, and bitchy and hilarious, i wish i could post it here but i'm not that much of an idiot, lets just say my favourite was "doesn't comprehend public transport" curtsey of my mother <3
today i've found out something even more ridiculous.
about 3 weeks ago he told another close friend of his that he fancied her and always did a little bit, so that was rachel out of the window then, apparently those feelings DID go away, and apparently quite quickly. what makes me laugh is that she is best friends with one of my friends so knew about me and rachel. will said that the rachel thing was "blown out of proportion and he was talking about loving her like a sister".... bull. shit.
i mean i actually LAUGHED when i found out, i know he only said that because he was worried that this new girl would not be interested at all if there was a possibility he fancied another girl. so i think i dodged a bullet there. i mean a boy who fancies 3 girls in the space of two months. really? is this boy for real? oh well now this new girl (who i actually like so there is no dislike there) can live with his bad time keeping, laziness, shyness, and tightness.... oops did i just say a little bit of the list? ;)
ANYWAY, lately my life has not been very eventful, just been meeting friends and working my way out of this mess. and i've worked out ways of making myself better as a person:
1) i've learnt the ukulele
2) i've finally joined a church
3) i've grown closer to my family and friends
4) i've been looking for volunteer work i can do because i've realised helping people makes me feel good
5) i've been looking for parties to go to
6) i've been watching classic old films, foreign films, films that everyone has seen but me just so i have more things to chat about in general
6) and most importantly IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR A NEW MAN and notice i said man, not boy.
but know i am happy as who i am, at the end of the day i was never going to marry Will and there will be other boys other chances. actually there will be BETTER boys and BETTER chances!
i'm going to a really trashy club at the end of the month which will be a laugh if nothing else, full of ugly, testosterone filled boys and scantily clad girls. it'll be a beautiful evening.
i have no life.
tragic.
Anyway, me and Will are over, and i KNOW i didn't exactly tell you guys we were together but we were for almost 2 months, but now we're not. and it was hard. it was very hard. i think it was because everything was going so well and then it hit me outta the blue.
"why did he end it!?" i hear you cry, well i will tell you because this blog helps me as much as it amuses you!
well he told me he still had feelings for his ex, we'll call her Rachel. now rachel was a close friend of his but i never thought anything of it, especially as she was going out with Will's best friend and they're at the stage when they're seriously talking about marriage. so i was slightly surprised. to put it mildly.
so, we talked about this and the only thing you really need to know is that he said "he still wanted to be with me" take that as a note! i told him to make a proper decision and an hour later i got a gushy, forgiving text asking if i'd stay with him, and STUPIDLY i said yes. i know i know what an idiot i should have kicked that boy out the door as soon as, but like i said i'm an idiot. the next day i woke up feeling SHITE. proper shite. i mean i turned on the radio when a song that reminded me of him came on and i burst into tears on my own in the kitchen. i had a very sad existence that day where i just sat by the phone. i'm an idiot.
right, BEFORE all this surreal shit we had arranged for him to come over on tuesday evening. but he was a no show. it was around that moment when i felt absolutely awful. i couldnt eat i was so nervous, i was snappy and stressed and a crazy bitch and eventhough later he explained why i was seething a little, but mostly just sad.
he dragged it on till wednesday and then we split. i think i kind of mentally prepared myself for it. it was the standard "we should spend some time apart" bajango. after i ate a whole pizza and went to bed. the next day i ate my sister's leftover pizza in my pjs and watched all the xmen films then went out with my friends and got smashed, it was a beautiful thing. the whole week i felt awful but it slowly started to go away. first i felt awful all the time. then only in the mornings and the evenings. then only the mornings. and now it's every so often. i've realised that it's not that i miss HIM anymore, i just miss the relationship. a week after i tried to start a friendly chat but it didn't go anywhere but i'm glad i did, i mean now it's his turn, i've done my part dickhead!
my mummy helped me alot. during my holiday we got drunk at a bar a wrote a list of why i was better off, i recommend doing the list. it's fun, and bitchy and hilarious, i wish i could post it here but i'm not that much of an idiot, lets just say my favourite was "doesn't comprehend public transport" curtsey of my mother <3
today i've found out something even more ridiculous.
about 3 weeks ago he told another close friend of his that he fancied her and always did a little bit, so that was rachel out of the window then, apparently those feelings DID go away, and apparently quite quickly. what makes me laugh is that she is best friends with one of my friends so knew about me and rachel. will said that the rachel thing was "blown out of proportion and he was talking about loving her like a sister".... bull. shit.
i mean i actually LAUGHED when i found out, i know he only said that because he was worried that this new girl would not be interested at all if there was a possibility he fancied another girl. so i think i dodged a bullet there. i mean a boy who fancies 3 girls in the space of two months. really? is this boy for real? oh well now this new girl (who i actually like so there is no dislike there) can live with his bad time keeping, laziness, shyness, and tightness.... oops did i just say a little bit of the list? ;)
ANYWAY, lately my life has not been very eventful, just been meeting friends and working my way out of this mess. and i've worked out ways of making myself better as a person:
1) i've learnt the ukulele
2) i've finally joined a church
3) i've grown closer to my family and friends
4) i've been looking for volunteer work i can do because i've realised helping people makes me feel good
5) i've been looking for parties to go to
6) i've been watching classic old films, foreign films, films that everyone has seen but me just so i have more things to chat about in general
6) and most importantly IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR A NEW MAN and notice i said man, not boy.
but know i am happy as who i am, at the end of the day i was never going to marry Will and there will be other boys other chances. actually there will be BETTER boys and BETTER chances!
i'm going to a really trashy club at the end of the month which will be a laugh if nothing else, full of ugly, testosterone filled boys and scantily clad girls. it'll be a beautiful evening.
i have no life.
tragic.
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