okay things are looking very up with Will at the moment, i just hope he isn't another Luke and is messing me around and sending me the wrong messages, but i don't think he is, he doesn't seem the type... ANYWAY.
well there has been progression: firstly and most importantly, im going to prom with will!! and it was a joint decision so i'm happy happy happy so in order to get to know each other better (like he said) i invited Will around on sunday as i was worried it was going to get to the point where we'd only text and it would get awkward.
SO FAST FORWARD TO SUNDAY MORNING.
i'm bricking it.
the only boy who's ever been around to my house and had any sort of fancying potential was Lewis and he fancied me NOT the other way round! so there is proper panic. (please remember that this is two days after the awful bus stop fiasco) I phone my friend Cathy like PROPER freaking out. we end up going through possible scenarios of the day, how to set up as much talking points as physically possible and im getting calmer UNTIL I LOOK AT THE CLOCK.
WE'VE BEEN ON THE PHONE FOR 2 HOURS. HE COMES IN LIKE HALF AN HOUR. AND MY ROOM STILL LOOKS LIKE A SMALL CHILDS ROOM. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
so i run round my room, shoving all the embarrassing items under my bed and pray that they stay there unseen. i blitz the living room and sit down for some revision with my music in the kitchen, i'm cool, i'm calm, i'm collected, and i'm going to die.
So, i get a phone call from him, so i pick up and try to be casual as he asks me which house mine is. aaaah!
he finds the house, comes in and sit down at the table and chat for a bit, and surprisingly, it's not awkward, not bad and im enjoying myself. HOWEVER I MAKE A FATAL ERROR.
in order to fill any silences i took a sip out of my glass of water you know just so the conversation can flow better. BAD MISTAKE. so after a tour of my house and the chat we sit down to watch doctor who i decide to sit rather close to him you know allowing something to happen if he wants it and we watch and we comment and laugh then WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN?!
i need the loo.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. WHY!?
so i decide i have to get up. on my way back i notice him looking me up and down, checking me out? just curious? or perhaps even gay? i'm joking i have no idea if or what it meant. so i sit down exactly where i sat before (i know this because i had his jumper over my knees and i put it right where i was sitting when i left) and this is the puzzling thing, he makes the move, but DOES HE?!
i mean if he did and it was planned he is very, very good at it i didn't even notice.
but i think he must have had is arm stretched over the back of the sofa before i got there so when i sat down it was behind me... so either it was planned OR it just happened to be their and side down to around my shoulders? hmmmmm....
so we watch the rest of doctor who like that and then when it's over the moment passes and we're sitting separate again, sad times.
pause for some more banter and we decide on mario kart wii which was hilarious. and will gets on with my bro which is a plus and it's just so casual and nice!
then we move to my bedroom.
now this is a big step.
i don't usually let anyone into my room, even friends really. it's my own special little place where i can get away from life, but now i am MIGHTY glad that i tidied the array of tampons, dirty clothes and girly magazines off my floor.
so we sit on my bed and chat but NOTHING HAPPENS. flippin heck, what am i supposed to do?! launch myself on him?! but it was a nice day where we got to know each other better and when his dad came we hugged but this is a bad point i have found about Will. he is an awful hugger. they're weak and limp and... urgh.
i'm just hoping this will go somewhere, the possibility is getting me through exams.
tragic.
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
Big Mistakes and Grovelling Apologises.
i've done a bad thing, and i feel terrible about it but it's all okay now hopefully!
i'll explain today was the last day of my compulsory education and it was a very good day
so i'm feeling confident when i'm walking to the bus stop, may see Will but i haven't told him, planning to be all secret and sweet, only... it doesn't happen quite like that.
Walked up, all confident, then PANIC.
he's in a big, tight group of boys.
What.
Do.
I.
Do?!?!
so i decide. and thinking back it was such a wrong decision. i walk away. stupid i know.
i walked up, and then walk away, in full view of will.
oops.
then as i walk away the regret hits me. I. AM. SUCH. A. TWAT. WHY DIDN'T I JUST GO UP AND SAY HI?! I DID IT YESTERDAY!?
so i spent the whole of the walk to my own bus stop muttering to myself things like "shit, i'm so stupid, fucking idiot" people must have thought i either had tourettes or was insane! sat down on the bus and replied to a old text he sent me earlier in the day only to get: "thanks for that at the bus stop by the way xxx"
and i feel sick.
it was then i realised that i did like him, more than i thought i did.
so i apologise and i mean GROVELLING APOLOGY.
and he accepts it, but i thought i'd apologise again you know just for good measure.
and he was a bit off until we started talking about going camping with friends after exams so happy times, i just hope it last...
tragic.
(sorry this post was written like a week ago and a lot has happened since but i thought i'd post it anyway!)
Btw i thought i'd finish the luke story while im here, im going to cut it down because i don't care about him anymore, dicking me around is not cool ;)
so anyway went to Ireland with a friend for a week and it was lovely; looking for prom dresses etc
But i start getting texts from Luke.
weird i think, i only get texts from him if i text him first.... odd.
so i reply and it gets pretty damn flirty. even odder (is that a word? i dont think so)
i even get the "who are you taking to prom" conversation we end up deciding he'll come with me (this is not that case now! just you wait...) and when i tell him about my prom dress he tells me how i'll look "stunning" WITH KISSES. now this boy never does kisses. this is big. really big.
So i decide to get very forward and say "if you want to come to prom you have to prove to me you are mature/capable enough" (coy i know just kidding im such a fail)
he says, "how do i prove i'm mature/capable enough?"
"a mature/capable person would know what to do"
"okay, i'll take you out" is the reply i get, happy days!
So we go out when i get back on the sunday and see a nice film and have a nice time and talk and laugh and it's not awkward because it's the cinema, the cinema is never an awkward date.
and things are looking up, nothing happens but i have a good feeling.
that good feeling was so wrong.
he says later that he doesn't actually like me.
and month later guess what i found out?
Luke went to a party.
Got drunk.
And lost his V.
I'M SO DONE WITH THIS SHODDY THING!
but i'm so glad he's out of my life, nothing but trouble!
i have to show you our latest conversation.
L: hi
Me: hiya
L: how are you?
M: alright you?
L: yeah i'm good
*long pause*
L:what have you been up to?
M: art coursework nothing much, you?
L: chilling after a crazy party!
M: aha
*END OF CONVERSATION*
I LOVE 'AHA' IT IS THE BEST CONVERSATION END EVER! it's like i acknowledge your point but do not find it amusing or want to comment on it... now kindly leave. its just a small noise. IT'S THE BEST! now that i have showed you it take the power and use it to your own advantage.
we probably could start an 'aha' cult, it's that good....
tragic.
i'll explain today was the last day of my compulsory education and it was a very good day
so i'm feeling confident when i'm walking to the bus stop, may see Will but i haven't told him, planning to be all secret and sweet, only... it doesn't happen quite like that.
Walked up, all confident, then PANIC.
he's in a big, tight group of boys.
What.
Do.
I.
Do?!?!
so i decide. and thinking back it was such a wrong decision. i walk away. stupid i know.
i walked up, and then walk away, in full view of will.
oops.
then as i walk away the regret hits me. I. AM. SUCH. A. TWAT. WHY DIDN'T I JUST GO UP AND SAY HI?! I DID IT YESTERDAY!?
so i spent the whole of the walk to my own bus stop muttering to myself things like "shit, i'm so stupid, fucking idiot" people must have thought i either had tourettes or was insane! sat down on the bus and replied to a old text he sent me earlier in the day only to get: "thanks for that at the bus stop by the way xxx"
and i feel sick.
it was then i realised that i did like him, more than i thought i did.
so i apologise and i mean GROVELLING APOLOGY.
and he accepts it, but i thought i'd apologise again you know just for good measure.
and he was a bit off until we started talking about going camping with friends after exams so happy times, i just hope it last...
tragic.
(sorry this post was written like a week ago and a lot has happened since but i thought i'd post it anyway!)
Btw i thought i'd finish the luke story while im here, im going to cut it down because i don't care about him anymore, dicking me around is not cool ;)
so anyway went to Ireland with a friend for a week and it was lovely; looking for prom dresses etc
But i start getting texts from Luke.
weird i think, i only get texts from him if i text him first.... odd.
so i reply and it gets pretty damn flirty. even odder (is that a word? i dont think so)
i even get the "who are you taking to prom" conversation we end up deciding he'll come with me (this is not that case now! just you wait...) and when i tell him about my prom dress he tells me how i'll look "stunning" WITH KISSES. now this boy never does kisses. this is big. really big.
So i decide to get very forward and say "if you want to come to prom you have to prove to me you are mature/capable enough" (coy i know just kidding im such a fail)
he says, "how do i prove i'm mature/capable enough?"
"a mature/capable person would know what to do"
"okay, i'll take you out" is the reply i get, happy days!
So we go out when i get back on the sunday and see a nice film and have a nice time and talk and laugh and it's not awkward because it's the cinema, the cinema is never an awkward date.
and things are looking up, nothing happens but i have a good feeling.
that good feeling was so wrong.
he says later that he doesn't actually like me.
and month later guess what i found out?
Luke went to a party.
Got drunk.
And lost his V.
I'M SO DONE WITH THIS SHODDY THING!
but i'm so glad he's out of my life, nothing but trouble!
i have to show you our latest conversation.
L: hi
Me: hiya
L: how are you?
M: alright you?
L: yeah i'm good
*long pause*
L:what have you been up to?
M: art coursework nothing much, you?
L: chilling after a crazy party!
M: aha
*END OF CONVERSATION*
I LOVE 'AHA' IT IS THE BEST CONVERSATION END EVER! it's like i acknowledge your point but do not find it amusing or want to comment on it... now kindly leave. its just a small noise. IT'S THE BEST! now that i have showed you it take the power and use it to your own advantage.
we probably could start an 'aha' cult, it's that good....
tragic.
Thursday, 12 May 2011
Just Messin', The Move, and The Oooh Do You Like Me, Do I Like You Stage.
Okay so life has made a unexpectant turn and tbh its been quite a nice change, not gunna lie. You see here is another fact about myself, i don't mind flirting with someone but i HATE fancying someone especially the flippin' 'oooh you might like me oh you don't but do you?' time before you both come to a conclusion, its the worst part eventhough everyone says its the best. they lie! you see i've met a guy, a very nice guy (i've named him Will as i met him the day of the royal wedding, i'm so cool i know) but i am at that stage. and i don't like it.
i have been in this stage many a time and NOTHING GOOD EVER COMES OF IT, well in my life anyway.
I'll go through the story and you can see for yourself why i am in SUCH A PICKLE.
so i went to a party of a guy who i know through a friend, it turned out it was less of a party and more of a gathering but from past experiences i knew most of the people there so it's all cool.
to cut a long story short i get drunk very fast and make a bit of tit out of myself and end up talking to Will, you see, i recognised him from somewhere but in my drunken haze i had forgotten.
so we talk, i remember, we joke and create our own little private joke and things were going marvellously!
it got cold and dark so we all went inside.
and by now me and Will have been talking for awhile and we're both pretty sober he drinks my strongbow (eventhough he hates it) because i asked him too we share a glass of water its all very romantic... i kid but it was nice.
cut more stuff out and i end up wearing his jumper and lying on his shoulder while everyone is watching a film and casually he makes the move... HIS ARM IS NOW AROUND ME
happy times
BUT
then it hits me
SHIT i really need a wee!
but i can't move because if i move this might not happen again we might just sit there and nothing will happen!
so i have a little argument between my brain and my bladder and it goes as follows: "i really need a wee! but you cant get up this may not happen again just sit down and it'll go away! but i really need to! NO STAY THERE! NO I NEED TO GO TO THE LOO RIGHT NOW MY BLADDER IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE!"
so i casually get up and as soon as im out of sight peg it to the loo. stupid stupid alcohol being a stupid diuretic...
so wee, fix my hair and come back, all nervous and sit down expecting the worst.
but he puts his arm back around me.
happy times
and as we were sitting on a leather sofa it was a bit slippy, you know the type so i end up lying on his chest.
now, i have to make sure he's okay with this, otherwise im just making a twat out of myself, so casually i say "if my shoulder blade is digging into your chest tell me and i'll move" but he says he's fine with it. YAY. my hands are in my lap and casually will puts his hand in mine, i start playing with his fingers and quickly he moves his hand so now its a finger clasp hand holdy thing yaaay. (sorry its really hard to explain but just try and imagine 'kay? )
so we're watching a film, laughing, whispering to each other, faces really close and it's all good,
so my dad picks me up later and i realise i didnt give him my number, dang, this could have gone somewhere but i'm sleepy and looking forward to bed and being carried along by the beauty of a successful flirt.
skip to tomorrow. (im now going to compare his behaviour to one of a boy i had the same sort of experience with a few weeks before, he's called Ben.)
So Will adds me on facebook, i had to add Ben
Will starts talking to me on facebook chat, Ben never even bothered.
so, it's looking up.
we talk and we realise that that we like the same music etc and its looking even more up, its looking VERY up in fact!
so i go for it. slip him my number via faceyb, lovely.
and now it is two weeks (tomorrow) since i met him and we have exchanged 580 plus texts in that time, conversation not always thrilling but he keeps it going, texts me first, when im busy he'll wait until the time i'm free and then text me yay! he mentioned meeting up, yay! and told me we'd like to come to prom with me, double yay! so things are looking very up on this.... hopefully.
you see the doubt has set in. firstly, things we looking very good, he saw me at the bus stop and still kept texting me so it obviously meant that he doesn't think i'm an ugly munter!
but i met up with him today at the bus stop and it wasnt very awkward but it wasnt amazing, casual banter but i was worried that he had thought better of me, stupid me, jumping to stupid conclusions.
i think it's just that it's got to the point where i just have to tell myself it isn't going to happen because it NEVER does, as i've told you before.
this always happens with me, i worry, i then decide to put myself out there and WHAM i'm put down, sad times.
but he did text me after the bus stop chat so, maybe it's all okay? but maybe he's just being polite because we're going to prom together?
and maybe i'll just die a spinster....
tragic.
i have been in this stage many a time and NOTHING GOOD EVER COMES OF IT, well in my life anyway.
I'll go through the story and you can see for yourself why i am in SUCH A PICKLE.
so i went to a party of a guy who i know through a friend, it turned out it was less of a party and more of a gathering but from past experiences i knew most of the people there so it's all cool.
to cut a long story short i get drunk very fast and make a bit of tit out of myself and end up talking to Will, you see, i recognised him from somewhere but in my drunken haze i had forgotten.
so we talk, i remember, we joke and create our own little private joke and things were going marvellously!
it got cold and dark so we all went inside.
and by now me and Will have been talking for awhile and we're both pretty sober he drinks my strongbow (eventhough he hates it) because i asked him too we share a glass of water its all very romantic... i kid but it was nice.
cut more stuff out and i end up wearing his jumper and lying on his shoulder while everyone is watching a film and casually he makes the move... HIS ARM IS NOW AROUND ME
happy times
BUT
then it hits me
SHIT i really need a wee!
but i can't move because if i move this might not happen again we might just sit there and nothing will happen!
so i have a little argument between my brain and my bladder and it goes as follows: "i really need a wee! but you cant get up this may not happen again just sit down and it'll go away! but i really need to! NO STAY THERE! NO I NEED TO GO TO THE LOO RIGHT NOW MY BLADDER IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE!"
so i casually get up and as soon as im out of sight peg it to the loo. stupid stupid alcohol being a stupid diuretic...
so wee, fix my hair and come back, all nervous and sit down expecting the worst.
but he puts his arm back around me.
happy times
and as we were sitting on a leather sofa it was a bit slippy, you know the type so i end up lying on his chest.
now, i have to make sure he's okay with this, otherwise im just making a twat out of myself, so casually i say "if my shoulder blade is digging into your chest tell me and i'll move" but he says he's fine with it. YAY. my hands are in my lap and casually will puts his hand in mine, i start playing with his fingers and quickly he moves his hand so now its a finger clasp hand holdy thing yaaay. (sorry its really hard to explain but just try and imagine 'kay? )
so we're watching a film, laughing, whispering to each other, faces really close and it's all good,
so my dad picks me up later and i realise i didnt give him my number, dang, this could have gone somewhere but i'm sleepy and looking forward to bed and being carried along by the beauty of a successful flirt.
skip to tomorrow. (im now going to compare his behaviour to one of a boy i had the same sort of experience with a few weeks before, he's called Ben.)
So Will adds me on facebook, i had to add Ben
Will starts talking to me on facebook chat, Ben never even bothered.
so, it's looking up.
we talk and we realise that that we like the same music etc and its looking even more up, its looking VERY up in fact!
so i go for it. slip him my number via faceyb, lovely.
and now it is two weeks (tomorrow) since i met him and we have exchanged 580 plus texts in that time, conversation not always thrilling but he keeps it going, texts me first, when im busy he'll wait until the time i'm free and then text me yay! he mentioned meeting up, yay! and told me we'd like to come to prom with me, double yay! so things are looking very up on this.... hopefully.
you see the doubt has set in. firstly, things we looking very good, he saw me at the bus stop and still kept texting me so it obviously meant that he doesn't think i'm an ugly munter!
but i met up with him today at the bus stop and it wasnt very awkward but it wasnt amazing, casual banter but i was worried that he had thought better of me, stupid me, jumping to stupid conclusions.
i think it's just that it's got to the point where i just have to tell myself it isn't going to happen because it NEVER does, as i've told you before.
this always happens with me, i worry, i then decide to put myself out there and WHAM i'm put down, sad times.
but he did text me after the bus stop chat so, maybe it's all okay? but maybe he's just being polite because we're going to prom together?
and maybe i'll just die a spinster....
tragic.
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