TimeKeeping Is A Big No No For Me.

i'm sorry for being so late with my post.... 3 months late... but whatever! the thing is i've gone through some shit recently but i am  recovered i will tell all but in minimal detail because i am so very lazy, and of course i like talking about myself, the self indulgent person which i am!
Anyway, me and Will are over, and i KNOW i didn't exactly tell you guys we were together but we were for almost 2 months, but now we're not. and it was hard. it was very hard. i think it was because everything was going so well and then it hit me outta the blue.
"why did he end it!?" i hear you cry, well i will tell you because this blog helps me as much as it amuses you!
well he told me he still had feelings for his ex, we'll call her Rachel. now rachel was a close friend of his but i never thought anything of it, especially as she was going out with Will's best friend and they're at the stage when they're seriously talking about marriage. so i was slightly surprised. to put it mildly.
so, we talked about this and the only thing you really need to know is that he said "he still wanted to be with me" take that as a note! i told him to make a proper decision and an hour later i got a gushy, forgiving text asking if i'd stay with him, and STUPIDLY i said yes. i know i know what an idiot i should have kicked that boy out the door as soon as, but like i said i'm an idiot. the next day i woke up feeling SHITE. proper shite. i mean i turned on the radio when a song that reminded me of him came on and i burst into tears on my own in the kitchen. i had a very sad existence that day where i just sat by the phone. i'm an idiot.
right, BEFORE all this surreal shit we had arranged for him to come over on tuesday evening. but he was a no show. it was around that moment when i felt absolutely awful. i couldnt eat i was so nervous, i was snappy and stressed and a crazy bitch and eventhough later he explained why i was seething a little, but mostly just sad.
he dragged it on till wednesday and then we split. i think i kind of mentally prepared myself for it. it was the standard "we should spend some time apart" bajango. after i ate a whole pizza and went to bed. the next day i ate my sister's leftover pizza in my pjs and watched all the xmen films then went out with my friends and got smashed, it was a beautiful thing. the whole week i felt awful but it slowly started to go away. first i felt awful all the time. then only in the mornings and the evenings. then only the mornings. and now it's every so often. i've realised that it's not that i miss HIM anymore, i just miss the relationship. a week after i tried to start a friendly chat but it didn't go anywhere but i'm glad i did, i mean now it's his turn, i've done my part dickhead!
my mummy helped me alot. during my holiday we got drunk at a bar a wrote a list of why i was better off, i recommend doing the list. it's fun, and bitchy and hilarious, i wish i could post it here but i'm not that much of an idiot, lets just say my favourite was "doesn't comprehend public transport" curtsey of my mother <3
today i've found out something even more ridiculous.
about 3 weeks ago he told another close friend of his that he fancied her and always did a little bit, so that was rachel out of the window then, apparently those feelings DID go away, and apparently quite quickly. what makes me laugh is that she is best friends with one of my friends so knew about me and rachel. will said that the rachel thing was "blown out of proportion and he was talking about loving her like a sister".... bull. shit.
i mean i actually LAUGHED when i found out, i know he only said that because he was worried that this new girl would not be interested at all if there was a possibility he fancied another girl. so i think i dodged a bullet there. i mean a boy who fancies 3 girls in the space of two months. really? is this boy for real? oh well now this new girl (who i actually like so there is no dislike there) can live with his bad time keeping, laziness, shyness, and tightness.... oops did i just say a little bit of the list? ;)
ANYWAY, lately my life has not been very eventful, just been meeting friends and working my way out of this mess. and i've worked out ways of making myself better as a person:
1) i've learnt the ukulele
2) i've finally joined a church
3) i've grown closer to my family and friends
4) i've been looking for volunteer work i can do because i've realised helping people makes me feel good
5) i've been looking for parties to go to
6) i've been watching classic old films, foreign films, films that everyone has seen but me just so i have more things to chat about in general
6) and most importantly IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR A NEW MAN and notice i said man, not boy.
but know i am happy as who i am, at the end of the day i was never going to marry Will and there will be other boys other chances. actually there will be BETTER boys and BETTER chances!
i'm going to a really trashy club at the end of the month which will be a laugh if nothing else, full of ugly, testosterone filled boys and scantily clad girls. it'll be a beautiful evening.


i have no life.

tragic.