This again is a little spin off blogalog post, i promise i'll get back to the story about how me and graham got together at some point just give me a little time to rant. i also said i'd dedicate this blogpost to Harriet who made up the term Paranoia Party, so here you go!
OKAY, as you can see the title this post is about my favourite thing DUN DUN NA NAAAA (that was meant to be a fanfair it took me awhile to type and i still think it's wrong, oh well) PARANOIA WOOOO!
basically, as we all know tomorrow is new years eve, which means only one thing to every teenager in the country.... party time.
and like i said graham's away so i'll be partying with my friends, no biggy it'll be a laugh. and i thought that would be the end of that. OH NO. OH NO NO NO NO.
so i'm talking to my friend Harriet and we're laughing at graham's drunken plan with his friend to go get wasted on this holiday and go... how do i put this politely.... 'meet' a lot of girls, and i have no problem with this he doesnt say he's going to get with anyone and he'd made a joke about it and i didnt really think it was a problem until Harriet said:
he wouldnt do that to you
and i'm like
of course he won't no-one would want him and if he did he wouldnt get with anyone ever again!
and Harriet says:
are you worried
and i'm like
no no of course not! i hadn't really thought about it, it'll be fine, he wouldnt!
and she's like
it'll be fine...
i mean i hadn't thought about it until today, the thought didnt cross my mind, and when i found that post i thought it was a laugh and was funny and i was fine about it until i started to think about it, and think about it and then i joined the group that most women in the world have a lifetime membership to....
THE PARANOIA PARTY
i mean, right now i'm fine and i'm pretty new to all this paranoia over cheating, do people normally feel like this? and actually its not even the getting off with someone, it's the afterwards, it's the 'did it mean anything' bit that i can imagine not liking at all..... actually i take it back, i just thought about the getting off with someone part and actually i dont like that bit much either...
but it'll be fine as she said, i mean come on people we're not cavemen! we do posses a little self control!
no, no i'm not going to think about it anymore
these are the thoughts that slowly drive people insane until they turn into those limpet type girlfriends have to be with their boyfriend, literally clinging on their legs, because if not the paranoia party will come and pick you up whisk you to the party and make you dance until you breakdown in ASDA on the phone to them because you haven't spoken to the in half an hour and saw a tomato that was the shape of their head so you thought you'd call and then they tell you you're too clingy and they need some space, relationship over. (that might be a little far fetched but i guaranteed its happened somewhere)
well i'm not going to be that girl god damn it.
and besides i dont look at tomatoes that carefully so i think i'll be fine
just gotta trust ya'know?
i went ghetto there...
tragic.
Friday, 30 December 2011
Saturday, 24 December 2011
Shut Up, Your Point Is Invalid.
this has nothing to do with anything i write in here this purely for venting purposes but as it is the holidays i've been spending a vast amount of my time on facebook/twitter and i've realised something....
EVERYONE IS JUST SO IRRELEVANT.
now i say this and include myself in this judgement also, but there are so many people trying to make their lives look interesting but in reality they are sitting on facebook like me, bored out of their brains.
like there is one girl who i think has posted a picture of some sort of food aspect or beverage on facebook for the past 5 days with quaint little captions such a "favourite food" and "lovely", and everytime i see them, i want to punch something, or someone.
I MEAN ITS JUST SO IRRELEVANT IN MY LIFE.
i just dont care.
i really don't.
on twitter the same thing occurs, everyone explains their lives in the most minuet detail sucking out every single irrelevant detail of their lives and then judge everyone for 'tweeting too much' or just judge in general IT'S MADNESS.
and i'm not saying i don't do it too because i do, and i'm fully aware, and this isn't me saying i hate everyone, i just mildly dislike some of them sometimes.
AND ALSO ANOTHER THING THAT HAS ANNOYED ME
girls posting pictures of their 'christmas nails'
yo' serious?
really?
yes you've paint your nails red and green
oh you've drawn a little snow flake on your thumb?
oh is that blotch meant to be santa?
how quaint.
WEBTHUAOERCTOERSHTBAEVGNPEBTIESNRNGCKLVSTBSNOTRCGISEBIN
also, what makes it even funnier is that some of these girls use their nails as an excuse to pose with their hand for a new profile picture, in which they have their boobs hanging out, probably spent an hour doing their makeup and another hour doing their hair just so they get 'likes'
oh and also they have probably spent at least half an hour thinking of a 'witty' or 'deep' caption to deceive everyone into thinking they have a brain.
now i'm not saying they should stop doing it, i mean knock yourself out (literally would be nice) but please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DONT TAG YOURSELF IN IT SO IT COMES UP ON MY FEED.
all it says to me is...
"[name] has posted their picture on their wall" and is a desperate loser who really needs everyone else's attention and confirmation in order to feel any self worth.....
and that's all i see, and if you do that, guess what? IM NOT GOING TO LIKE YOUR BLOODY PHOTO. even if you do look nice (thanks photoshop and AS photography)
please just stop clogging up my feed....
you are
tragic.
EVERYONE IS JUST SO IRRELEVANT.
now i say this and include myself in this judgement also, but there are so many people trying to make their lives look interesting but in reality they are sitting on facebook like me, bored out of their brains.
like there is one girl who i think has posted a picture of some sort of food aspect or beverage on facebook for the past 5 days with quaint little captions such a "favourite food" and "lovely", and everytime i see them, i want to punch something, or someone.
I MEAN ITS JUST SO IRRELEVANT IN MY LIFE.
i just dont care.
i really don't.
on twitter the same thing occurs, everyone explains their lives in the most minuet detail sucking out every single irrelevant detail of their lives and then judge everyone for 'tweeting too much' or just judge in general IT'S MADNESS.
and i'm not saying i don't do it too because i do, and i'm fully aware, and this isn't me saying i hate everyone, i just mildly dislike some of them sometimes.
AND ALSO ANOTHER THING THAT HAS ANNOYED ME
girls posting pictures of their 'christmas nails'
yo' serious?
really?
yes you've paint your nails red and green
oh you've drawn a little snow flake on your thumb?
oh is that blotch meant to be santa?
how quaint.
WEBTHUAOERCTOERSHTBAEVGNPEBTIESNRNGCKLVSTBSNOTRCGISEBIN
also, what makes it even funnier is that some of these girls use their nails as an excuse to pose with their hand for a new profile picture, in which they have their boobs hanging out, probably spent an hour doing their makeup and another hour doing their hair just so they get 'likes'
oh and also they have probably spent at least half an hour thinking of a 'witty' or 'deep' caption to deceive everyone into thinking they have a brain.
now i'm not saying they should stop doing it, i mean knock yourself out (literally would be nice) but please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DONT TAG YOURSELF IN IT SO IT COMES UP ON MY FEED.
all it says to me is...
"[name] has posted their picture on their wall" and is a desperate loser who really needs everyone else's attention and confirmation in order to feel any self worth.....
and that's all i see, and if you do that, guess what? IM NOT GOING TO LIKE YOUR BLOODY PHOTO. even if you do look nice (thanks photoshop and AS photography)
please just stop clogging up my feed....
you are
tragic.
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
I Will Be Happy, I Was Happy, I Am Happy
well hay there! sorry it's been awhile but literally i've had no time in my life apart from crying over school work, and yes, i have been crying over it, embarrassing i know...
BUT ANYWAY, that's not why i'm here! i have big news (well big for me anyway) remember graham? is he my boyfriend? OH I THINK HE IS.
yes i know i've been a whiny bitch about this whole incident but to be honest i don't take back anything i said because i know at the time i did feel like that, the stressy loser which i am. but let me explain, and i have a feeling this post is going to be a long on.
OKAY
i'll go from where we left off, basically we were texting but not really, didn't seem to be going anywhere and like you read before i was ready to be like FUCK DIS SHI. i'd been out to tescos (if you remember that's where everyone goes to hang out) and we had been speaking but again it didnt seem to be going anywhere, sad times but whatever.
BUT a few weeks ago it was his 18th and he was having a house party with a friend of his who i know pretty well and i'd been invited. i basically thought, this is it, if nothing happens today then this thing is TOTALLY CLOSED. END OF. FINISHED. DONE. BOOM. yeah i got a bit into that....
anyway! so i turn up with some friends and like last time, i'm thinking i'm looking good and there is the prospect of a good evening. and just as i start to mingle with everyone my friend Harriet runs up to me and drags me into the kitchen saying that she "needs to talk to me. now!" so a little confused and still with my unopened drink in my hand i follow her into the kitchen and here is what she said
basically Harriet and her boyfriend had been here since the start of the party and witnessed the first awkward half hour there always is at a party when noone really knows each other and no one is drunk enough to strike up a conversation and apparently during this time many people where asking if i was coming/when i was coming/ if i was there yet, due to all these questions someone then asked who i was to which someone ELSE replied says "oh she's the girl graham fancies" and everyone looked at him and he just went red and quiet and then someone said "oh graham do you fancy her?" and he said "i'm not drunk enough to tell you yet"
SO I DID MY VICTORY DANCE. and squealed like a small child, and jumped like an excitable puppy, but hey give me some slack, i thought i was going to die a lonely recluse.
then i swaggered back into the party with a new air of confidence, things are looking up, very up. and of course, being the massive gossip which i am i RAN over to my friends as told them exactly what i'd heard AND SO THE VICTORY DANCE WAS REPEATED. (if you need an example go to youtube and type in: love actually - sarah and karl, see her dance then times it by ten.....)
and so onto the next plan; shamelessly flirting with him until i rip my clothes off and throw myself upon him. with encouragements from friends i slipped up to him and a group and started conversation, smiled, laughed, did the awful toss of the hair and tried SO HARD, i mean serious effort was put in. but obviously as it was his party he had to be host so soon i mingled with everyone else and ended up hanging out Beth and her boyfriend who know all about the situation and are drunk enough to laugh along about how tragic i am and at this point my memory gets hazy but basically beth went up to graham and talked about me, she did tell me what was said but like i said, memory is dead but what she said was along the lines of "if you like her go for it!" meanwhile i was having a lovely chat to her boyfriend who then said he was going to join in the conversation, and he basically said the same thing to graham.
now, this is not going to sound romantic at all but let me say my piece, but it must have been his drunk brain but he came up to me straight away and smiled and got off with me, lets just say i was a little surprised but here is the best bit! it was affectionate! i've never had affection, thinking back Will was an absolute SHIT kisser second only to the boy i told you about at the WWII party in the summer. i mean yes, this was a very drunk kiss but it was still nice, not sloppy and after he rested his forehead against mine and smiled and it just felt sweet and well meant.
Okay then the party continued but i cant remember it all i remember was feeling extremely proud/pleased with myself.
The next part i remember was that me and graham were sitting upstairs and he said that eventhough he was drunk he meant what was happening right now, which again i thought was sweet and then he said what i was so desperately wanting to happen, "you know what, sunday, we'll do something sunday", CALL FOR INTERNAL VICTORY DANCE IN MY BRAIN. but on the exterior i just calmly said "yes, that would be nice" so you maybe thinking that it could only be up from here? oh no, not in real world where only bad/awkward things happen to me. It started off with me being an idiot. he then asked me to go outside, obviously he wanted to talk to me, but in my drunken brain i went "GURL YOU ARE A STRONG AND INDEPENDENT WOMAN DONT LET HIM TELL YOU WHAT TO DO, BIATCH" so i didnt go out, and in hindsight, i probably should have but hey ho that was my big feminist stand (i think it's just as impressive as burning my bra don't you? i'm obviously joking)
So again here is another blank spot but i remember the next time i saw him he was completely gone, so so so on the brink of spewing all the alcohol he had consumed over the last hour all over the floor, so being the angel that i am i took him outside got him a glass of water and sat outside freezing my arse off in a skirt thin tights and a jumper without a top on underneath (that was me trying to be 'sexy' and 'alluring' never again, it was the beginning of december what was i thinking?!?) and being incredibly nice while he vommed again and again and again.... he even asked me why i was still there and to be honest i don't really know i said "because it's your birthday and i'd be a pretty shit person if i left you outside in cold on your own on your birthday" but i think that was only part of it, i think the other reason was that eventhough i felt like i was being messed around, i genuinely liked him and that's why i stayed, no other reason why.
then he said something that killed my buzz, and the words were "i'm not going to remember anything tomorrow"
well, that's nice... not going to remember anything you said to me, anything that happened between us, so i've wasted a good party for nothing....
GREAT
BLOODY BRILLIANT
i could have cried, but i sat there, i wasnt even angry, just sad, sad that i wasted my time and disappointed with myself because i should have learnt from the last two times!
so with the help of another girl i we took him up to the bathroom then i had to go, i remember exactly what i said here, i just said "text me, if you remember..." and went home and straight to bed.
BAD IDEA.
i have a slight reputation as being a girl who can get plastered but wake up the next day like she'd slept a full 8 hours and not let a single drop of alcohol touch her lips. i put it down to the fact i make sure i drink a pint of water and have a pain killer before i go to bed, that and that im very lucky. but this time i was so annoyed i just went straight to bed and woke up with THE MOST MONSTER HANGOVER EVER EXPERIENCED and i had to go to work, where i look after screaming, excitable children, kill me now.
but being the awful optimist i sent him a text, i know, why did i do that, looking back i dont know why i just didnt give up (but it looks like my keenness paid off for once) but he didnt reply, mood has not improved in the slightest.
but then who pops up on facebook that evening? it's only graham AND HE'S REMEMBER WHAT HE SAID ABOUT SUNDAY.
happy times, happy, happy times.
end of saga one, there's obviously lots more to fill you in on and right now im having a serious debate whether to continue tonight of finish off some other time.
tragic.
BUT ANYWAY, that's not why i'm here! i have big news (well big for me anyway) remember graham? is he my boyfriend? OH I THINK HE IS.
yes i know i've been a whiny bitch about this whole incident but to be honest i don't take back anything i said because i know at the time i did feel like that, the stressy loser which i am. but let me explain, and i have a feeling this post is going to be a long on.
OKAY
i'll go from where we left off, basically we were texting but not really, didn't seem to be going anywhere and like you read before i was ready to be like FUCK DIS SHI. i'd been out to tescos (if you remember that's where everyone goes to hang out) and we had been speaking but again it didnt seem to be going anywhere, sad times but whatever.
BUT a few weeks ago it was his 18th and he was having a house party with a friend of his who i know pretty well and i'd been invited. i basically thought, this is it, if nothing happens today then this thing is TOTALLY CLOSED. END OF. FINISHED. DONE. BOOM. yeah i got a bit into that....
anyway! so i turn up with some friends and like last time, i'm thinking i'm looking good and there is the prospect of a good evening. and just as i start to mingle with everyone my friend Harriet runs up to me and drags me into the kitchen saying that she "needs to talk to me. now!" so a little confused and still with my unopened drink in my hand i follow her into the kitchen and here is what she said
basically Harriet and her boyfriend had been here since the start of the party and witnessed the first awkward half hour there always is at a party when noone really knows each other and no one is drunk enough to strike up a conversation and apparently during this time many people where asking if i was coming/when i was coming/ if i was there yet, due to all these questions someone then asked who i was to which someone ELSE replied says "oh she's the girl graham fancies" and everyone looked at him and he just went red and quiet and then someone said "oh graham do you fancy her?" and he said "i'm not drunk enough to tell you yet"
SO I DID MY VICTORY DANCE. and squealed like a small child, and jumped like an excitable puppy, but hey give me some slack, i thought i was going to die a lonely recluse.
then i swaggered back into the party with a new air of confidence, things are looking up, very up. and of course, being the massive gossip which i am i RAN over to my friends as told them exactly what i'd heard AND SO THE VICTORY DANCE WAS REPEATED. (if you need an example go to youtube and type in: love actually - sarah and karl, see her dance then times it by ten.....)
and so onto the next plan; shamelessly flirting with him until i rip my clothes off and throw myself upon him. with encouragements from friends i slipped up to him and a group and started conversation, smiled, laughed, did the awful toss of the hair and tried SO HARD, i mean serious effort was put in. but obviously as it was his party he had to be host so soon i mingled with everyone else and ended up hanging out Beth and her boyfriend who know all about the situation and are drunk enough to laugh along about how tragic i am and at this point my memory gets hazy but basically beth went up to graham and talked about me, she did tell me what was said but like i said, memory is dead but what she said was along the lines of "if you like her go for it!" meanwhile i was having a lovely chat to her boyfriend who then said he was going to join in the conversation, and he basically said the same thing to graham.
now, this is not going to sound romantic at all but let me say my piece, but it must have been his drunk brain but he came up to me straight away and smiled and got off with me, lets just say i was a little surprised but here is the best bit! it was affectionate! i've never had affection, thinking back Will was an absolute SHIT kisser second only to the boy i told you about at the WWII party in the summer. i mean yes, this was a very drunk kiss but it was still nice, not sloppy and after he rested his forehead against mine and smiled and it just felt sweet and well meant.
Okay then the party continued but i cant remember it all i remember was feeling extremely proud/pleased with myself.
The next part i remember was that me and graham were sitting upstairs and he said that eventhough he was drunk he meant what was happening right now, which again i thought was sweet and then he said what i was so desperately wanting to happen, "you know what, sunday, we'll do something sunday", CALL FOR INTERNAL VICTORY DANCE IN MY BRAIN. but on the exterior i just calmly said "yes, that would be nice" so you maybe thinking that it could only be up from here? oh no, not in real world where only bad/awkward things happen to me. It started off with me being an idiot. he then asked me to go outside, obviously he wanted to talk to me, but in my drunken brain i went "GURL YOU ARE A STRONG AND INDEPENDENT WOMAN DONT LET HIM TELL YOU WHAT TO DO, BIATCH" so i didnt go out, and in hindsight, i probably should have but hey ho that was my big feminist stand (i think it's just as impressive as burning my bra don't you? i'm obviously joking)
So again here is another blank spot but i remember the next time i saw him he was completely gone, so so so on the brink of spewing all the alcohol he had consumed over the last hour all over the floor, so being the angel that i am i took him outside got him a glass of water and sat outside freezing my arse off in a skirt thin tights and a jumper without a top on underneath (that was me trying to be 'sexy' and 'alluring' never again, it was the beginning of december what was i thinking?!?) and being incredibly nice while he vommed again and again and again.... he even asked me why i was still there and to be honest i don't really know i said "because it's your birthday and i'd be a pretty shit person if i left you outside in cold on your own on your birthday" but i think that was only part of it, i think the other reason was that eventhough i felt like i was being messed around, i genuinely liked him and that's why i stayed, no other reason why.
then he said something that killed my buzz, and the words were "i'm not going to remember anything tomorrow"
well, that's nice... not going to remember anything you said to me, anything that happened between us, so i've wasted a good party for nothing....
GREAT
BLOODY BRILLIANT
i could have cried, but i sat there, i wasnt even angry, just sad, sad that i wasted my time and disappointed with myself because i should have learnt from the last two times!
so with the help of another girl i we took him up to the bathroom then i had to go, i remember exactly what i said here, i just said "text me, if you remember..." and went home and straight to bed.
BAD IDEA.
i have a slight reputation as being a girl who can get plastered but wake up the next day like she'd slept a full 8 hours and not let a single drop of alcohol touch her lips. i put it down to the fact i make sure i drink a pint of water and have a pain killer before i go to bed, that and that im very lucky. but this time i was so annoyed i just went straight to bed and woke up with THE MOST MONSTER HANGOVER EVER EXPERIENCED and i had to go to work, where i look after screaming, excitable children, kill me now.
but being the awful optimist i sent him a text, i know, why did i do that, looking back i dont know why i just didnt give up (but it looks like my keenness paid off for once) but he didnt reply, mood has not improved in the slightest.
but then who pops up on facebook that evening? it's only graham AND HE'S REMEMBER WHAT HE SAID ABOUT SUNDAY.
happy times, happy, happy times.
end of saga one, there's obviously lots more to fill you in on and right now im having a serious debate whether to continue tonight of finish off some other time.
tragic.
Saturday, 19 November 2011
I Don't Mean to Be Depressing (And Hello From Across The Pond)
Right now i'm in such a mood to rant and moan but today, today i have decided to resist the urge to accept this temptation and spill out all my paranoia over your beautifully clean desktop. So i'm going to try desperately hard to turn this into a positive or at least a more BALANCED way off looking at life atm. I may have said before but whenever i don't have a lot going on in my social or love life i always focus on career. and actually my steps i need to take to be prepared from drama school auditions are going very well, so THERE'S ONE POSITIVE. and i've given up on graham again, who needs boys anyway? lesbianism anyone?
also, i had a little scare this week. i don't know if you but my hit counter is getting better and better, more people are reading it and it's happy times. HOWEVER, the other day someone asked me for my blog, and he's been talk about in here.
SO SERIOUS IMPROV WAS NEEDED THERE.
but then again i wondered why i didnt just give it to him? i mean, there's nothing offensive in here, and when i take the piss it's usually about myself rather than anyone else, so maybe i should be a lot more open about this in future? but i suppose people don't like others talking about them so i don't really know where i stand.
well whatever! it's my blog i can write about WHAT I LIKE.
END OF.
oh and the other half of my post is be just saying hiya to my american readers so:
haaiii there!
kinda ruined my rage there....
tragic.
also, i had a little scare this week. i don't know if you but my hit counter is getting better and better, more people are reading it and it's happy times. HOWEVER, the other day someone asked me for my blog, and he's been talk about in here.
SO SERIOUS IMPROV WAS NEEDED THERE.
but then again i wondered why i didnt just give it to him? i mean, there's nothing offensive in here, and when i take the piss it's usually about myself rather than anyone else, so maybe i should be a lot more open about this in future? but i suppose people don't like others talking about them so i don't really know where i stand.
well whatever! it's my blog i can write about WHAT I LIKE.
END OF.
oh and the other half of my post is be just saying hiya to my american readers so:
haaiii there!
kinda ruined my rage there....
tragic.
Sunday, 13 November 2011
Kindness, Suaveness and Moustaches.
Right guys, i know i said that i'd given up on Graham.... well i lied. i'm sorry, i can only apologise and hope that you don't hate me forever, which i know you won't, i'm great. (that was a joke)
ANYWAY, i'm sure you are a little confused to where this came about and of course as usual i am willing to divulge. right, on friday i was hanging out with my old friends and their boyfriends and to cut a long story short they invited me out to a house party on saturday. now, as you know, i was not going to turn down this opportunity (as you have seem the desperation in my last pathetic post).
so fast forward to saturday, i was feeling fly. had a nice dress on, feeling skinny, make up just right, i could tell it was going to be a good evening. and someone had told me that graham wasn't going which meant i had no worries about this evening, it was going to be BEAUTIFUL. So we get there, i introduce myself to the guy whos party it is because i dont actually know the guy and he didnt know i was coming which, you know, was fun but i managed to manoeuvre myself pretty well around the awkward situation so, in my opinion it wasnt awkward in the slightest! Then onto the pressing matter of mingling. which of course means getting absolutely wasted in order to pluck up the courage to talk to strangers. and the plan is working very well...
UNTIL(oh i know you've already guessed it)
in walks graham.
shit.
hadn't prepared myself for this.
NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.
a friend comes up to me a reiterates the fact that he has actually walked in, you know, just in case i hadn't seen, which i had.
so i then have the decision, ignore or talk.
i chose talk, i mean ignoring would just make it forever awkward. and let me just remind you he had made no effort to speak to me after the last thing so that's why i perceived it as a little awkward. but actually i fucking hate it when people say things were 'awkward'. actually, i don't think there is such a thing, it's only awkward if you make it awkward! and to be honest i've made it my life plan to never consciously decide something is awkward. TANGENT. ANYWAY...
so while i wait for the right opportunity i do the thing we all do - the "i'm-so-engrossed-in-this-conversation-i'm-having-that-i-haven't-notice-anyone-walk-in,-especially-not-you" trick, don't lie, you do it too.
and then i go for it, i quietly stalk him and his friend and then 'accidently' walk past them and 'notice' them (i'm so flippin' smooth) and make a big old deal of saying hi etc and it's alright, so i think good, sorted, done!
i'll make it clear here, i never intended to hang out with Graham the whole evening, at all.
but it sorta just happened, i mean, my memory is a little hazy but i think there were a group of us dancing and we ended up talking and then talking and talking and it carried on from there. i was drunk and it was nice. so now i'll go through events and you can see why i'm confused.
so Graham was meant to go to another party which was fancy dress so he'd come in bowler hat, suit, tie, moustache - the works. and i won't lie, to make the first meeting less painful i stole the hat, and wore it, for most of the evening, and the funny thing is whenever some took it off me he grab it back and give it to me...odd, probably just drunkenness.
he let me sit on him outside and we chatted and then we chatted to everyone else and it turned quite 'coupley' again, and i won't lie to you, i was enjoying myself, and he had the perfect opportunity to kiss me when we were alone, but he didn't... odd, but the night was young and i didn't really care. (such a gay sentence there)
now this time i think i was drunker than graham and at one point i felt so, so, so ill, i mean vom was about to have me in his clutches. so graham offered to take me outside, got me a drink, shared the glass (i'm being petty with details now i know, but usually i think this is a good side, i'm lame) and i'm going to say it again, i was enjoying myself, eventhough i felt like i was about to vomit my insides out, not that i did just to let you know.
and it remained like that, we danced, chatted, he had his arm around me, it was going well in my opinion, very well INDEED.
then it was time to leave, we hugged then i made the awkward move to leave but stay at the same time because in my brain im thinking KISS ME, LAST CHANCE.
then we moved a little then hugged AGAIN, brain's still going KISS ME
then we moved to go get my stuff and we hug AGAIN. and now i'm thinking BLOODY KISS ME YOU TWAT. (drunk anger, i laugh at myself)
but he doesn't.
so here is the most awful bit, i did the classic say what you were thinking and think what you were meant to say, if you don't know what that is i'll explain with my practical example:
i was MEANT to say: "okay see you around!" and think "i don't understand"
BUT WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED WAS THAT
i THOUGHT "okay see you around!" and SAID was "i don't understand"
thank the lord he didnt hear what he said it was "sorry what was that?" "OH, nothing..." moment, so i got out of that fine. then i made him text me this time and he said the whole "i didnt realise i had your number (which he has told me when he had found it the week before), and of course i will", so we BLOODY HUGGED AGAIN, then i went to leave, but drunk brain kicked in again, i ran back (and what you're thinking is probably wrong here)
i didn't kiss him
instead i made him pinky promise to text me.
PINKY PROMISE?!?!
WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?
not a lot evidently.
anyway it turned out it worked in my favour as sitting in church on sunday i feel my phone go off, and it says:
Graham
as pinky promised....
happy days.
but it's been a few days after and things are going okay, i'm not really sure, i mean i'll get two texts at most in a day, it's annoying because you can't get to know a person with two texts each it's IMPOSSIBLE. and you know me, i hate putting myself out there....
spinster 4eva.
tragic.
(sorry for any grammar and spelling mistakes haven't proof read, do that later ;) )
ANYWAY, i'm sure you are a little confused to where this came about and of course as usual i am willing to divulge. right, on friday i was hanging out with my old friends and their boyfriends and to cut a long story short they invited me out to a house party on saturday. now, as you know, i was not going to turn down this opportunity (as you have seem the desperation in my last pathetic post).
so fast forward to saturday, i was feeling fly. had a nice dress on, feeling skinny, make up just right, i could tell it was going to be a good evening. and someone had told me that graham wasn't going which meant i had no worries about this evening, it was going to be BEAUTIFUL. So we get there, i introduce myself to the guy whos party it is because i dont actually know the guy and he didnt know i was coming which, you know, was fun but i managed to manoeuvre myself pretty well around the awkward situation so, in my opinion it wasnt awkward in the slightest! Then onto the pressing matter of mingling. which of course means getting absolutely wasted in order to pluck up the courage to talk to strangers. and the plan is working very well...
UNTIL(oh i know you've already guessed it)
in walks graham.
shit.
hadn't prepared myself for this.
NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.
a friend comes up to me a reiterates the fact that he has actually walked in, you know, just in case i hadn't seen, which i had.
so i then have the decision, ignore or talk.
i chose talk, i mean ignoring would just make it forever awkward. and let me just remind you he had made no effort to speak to me after the last thing so that's why i perceived it as a little awkward. but actually i fucking hate it when people say things were 'awkward'. actually, i don't think there is such a thing, it's only awkward if you make it awkward! and to be honest i've made it my life plan to never consciously decide something is awkward. TANGENT. ANYWAY...
so while i wait for the right opportunity i do the thing we all do - the "i'm-so-engrossed-in-this-conversation-i'm-having-that-i-haven't-notice-anyone-walk-in,-especially-not-you" trick, don't lie, you do it too.
and then i go for it, i quietly stalk him and his friend and then 'accidently' walk past them and 'notice' them (i'm so flippin' smooth) and make a big old deal of saying hi etc and it's alright, so i think good, sorted, done!
i'll make it clear here, i never intended to hang out with Graham the whole evening, at all.
but it sorta just happened, i mean, my memory is a little hazy but i think there were a group of us dancing and we ended up talking and then talking and talking and it carried on from there. i was drunk and it was nice. so now i'll go through events and you can see why i'm confused.
so Graham was meant to go to another party which was fancy dress so he'd come in bowler hat, suit, tie, moustache - the works. and i won't lie, to make the first meeting less painful i stole the hat, and wore it, for most of the evening, and the funny thing is whenever some took it off me he grab it back and give it to me...odd, probably just drunkenness.
he let me sit on him outside and we chatted and then we chatted to everyone else and it turned quite 'coupley' again, and i won't lie to you, i was enjoying myself, and he had the perfect opportunity to kiss me when we were alone, but he didn't... odd, but the night was young and i didn't really care. (such a gay sentence there)
now this time i think i was drunker than graham and at one point i felt so, so, so ill, i mean vom was about to have me in his clutches. so graham offered to take me outside, got me a drink, shared the glass (i'm being petty with details now i know, but usually i think this is a good side, i'm lame) and i'm going to say it again, i was enjoying myself, eventhough i felt like i was about to vomit my insides out, not that i did just to let you know.
and it remained like that, we danced, chatted, he had his arm around me, it was going well in my opinion, very well INDEED.
then it was time to leave, we hugged then i made the awkward move to leave but stay at the same time because in my brain im thinking KISS ME, LAST CHANCE.
then we moved a little then hugged AGAIN, brain's still going KISS ME
then we moved to go get my stuff and we hug AGAIN. and now i'm thinking BLOODY KISS ME YOU TWAT. (drunk anger, i laugh at myself)
but he doesn't.
so here is the most awful bit, i did the classic say what you were thinking and think what you were meant to say, if you don't know what that is i'll explain with my practical example:
i was MEANT to say: "okay see you around!" and think "i don't understand"
BUT WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED WAS THAT
i THOUGHT "okay see you around!" and SAID was "i don't understand"
thank the lord he didnt hear what he said it was "sorry what was that?" "OH, nothing..." moment, so i got out of that fine. then i made him text me this time and he said the whole "i didnt realise i had your number (which he has told me when he had found it the week before), and of course i will", so we BLOODY HUGGED AGAIN, then i went to leave, but drunk brain kicked in again, i ran back (and what you're thinking is probably wrong here)
i didn't kiss him
instead i made him pinky promise to text me.
PINKY PROMISE?!?!
WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?
not a lot evidently.
anyway it turned out it worked in my favour as sitting in church on sunday i feel my phone go off, and it says:
Graham
as pinky promised....
happy days.
but it's been a few days after and things are going okay, i'm not really sure, i mean i'll get two texts at most in a day, it's annoying because you can't get to know a person with two texts each it's IMPOSSIBLE. and you know me, i hate putting myself out there....
spinster 4eva.
tragic.
(sorry for any grammar and spelling mistakes haven't proof read, do that later ;) )
Wednesday, 9 November 2011
I Don't Want Realism.
the title is a quote from the play a streetcar named desire, and it have relevance in my life, extreme relevance.
Bella's boyfriend (tangent here, Bella doesn't want to be called Bella anymore because she knows someone... i don't need to say anymore so i think she'll be called Beth) okay BETH'S boyfriend let me read his blog and he read this and he wrote a post which really appealed to me.
it was all about monotony, how life turns into a cycle of the same events, then at the weekend the cycle changes but it's still a boring cycle never the less. and it made me think; at the moment this is my life. weekdays: struggle through school while working on my audition pieces and trying to not let my social life slip through my fingers. it goes as follows, wake up, get on the bus, turn up late for school, work at school, get home, snack, sit on twitter and facebook, eat, watch TV, go to bed REPEAT. weekends: work, drama, school work on a sunday then back to school. did i mention drama takes up a HUGE chunk of my time? i have four lessons of drama for a levels a week, have rehearsals for the village panto tuesdays, i run year seven drama club wednesdays, i also help direct a year 8 play for their big festival, i'm the lead in a play called 'black comedy' at school which rehearse on fridays, i'm in the crucible at my drama school on saturdays, i work as a teaching assistant teaching small children how to act on saturdays, i sometimes have rehearsals for panto on sundays.... EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE POINTS TO DRAMA. and i don't know whether to be happy or embarrassed by that... anyway, because it takes up a large part of my life it's hard to have a social life and it upsets me but i have to say that all this drama adds to my monotony, i enjoy it but it does.
ANYWAY back to the post, he also said about how through your own monotony you hear about others who break their monotony together by going out and be the 'in crowd'. they drink, have sex and then spend the next week talking about it.... and i'm sick of it. so i go and do my work and end up losing more and more of my social life. hence why i've not had a lot to say on the boy front, hopefully it'll all pick up.
and now everything links to the title of the post, you see, this is real life, reality, it cannot be anything else, of course i'm like every other normal girl on the planet and would love to have that 'movie romance' that whirlwind that keeps going and that balance of bliss and arguments that every relationship in a film finds the perfect combination between. but i'm not stupid, i'm not naive, i KNOW this doesn't exist, if it did there wouldn't need to be films made about it would it? i would say i'm a realist. i understand that relationships aren't perfect, things don't always go your way and you have to fight your own battles to get anywhere. but i don't want realism! or should that be COMPLETE realism, i want that little bit of magic (in the least lame way possible) that unexpectancy, a sudden change in fate,where my life alters every so slightly. this isn't me saying my life is awful because that would be me being melodramatic, i'm healthy, i have friends, family, i'm smart and creative, i have a job and good grades i just want a nice surprise, not having to feel like i have to work for once to break this monotony, but i think i will have to wait. i have heard good things happen to those who wait.
sorry about the moan and thanks for reading i really am....
tragic.
Bella's boyfriend (tangent here, Bella doesn't want to be called Bella anymore because she knows someone... i don't need to say anymore so i think she'll be called Beth) okay BETH'S boyfriend let me read his blog and he read this and he wrote a post which really appealed to me.
it was all about monotony, how life turns into a cycle of the same events, then at the weekend the cycle changes but it's still a boring cycle never the less. and it made me think; at the moment this is my life. weekdays: struggle through school while working on my audition pieces and trying to not let my social life slip through my fingers. it goes as follows, wake up, get on the bus, turn up late for school, work at school, get home, snack, sit on twitter and facebook, eat, watch TV, go to bed REPEAT. weekends: work, drama, school work on a sunday then back to school. did i mention drama takes up a HUGE chunk of my time? i have four lessons of drama for a levels a week, have rehearsals for the village panto tuesdays, i run year seven drama club wednesdays, i also help direct a year 8 play for their big festival, i'm the lead in a play called 'black comedy' at school which rehearse on fridays, i'm in the crucible at my drama school on saturdays, i work as a teaching assistant teaching small children how to act on saturdays, i sometimes have rehearsals for panto on sundays.... EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE POINTS TO DRAMA. and i don't know whether to be happy or embarrassed by that... anyway, because it takes up a large part of my life it's hard to have a social life and it upsets me but i have to say that all this drama adds to my monotony, i enjoy it but it does.
ANYWAY back to the post, he also said about how through your own monotony you hear about others who break their monotony together by going out and be the 'in crowd'. they drink, have sex and then spend the next week talking about it.... and i'm sick of it. so i go and do my work and end up losing more and more of my social life. hence why i've not had a lot to say on the boy front, hopefully it'll all pick up.
and now everything links to the title of the post, you see, this is real life, reality, it cannot be anything else, of course i'm like every other normal girl on the planet and would love to have that 'movie romance' that whirlwind that keeps going and that balance of bliss and arguments that every relationship in a film finds the perfect combination between. but i'm not stupid, i'm not naive, i KNOW this doesn't exist, if it did there wouldn't need to be films made about it would it? i would say i'm a realist. i understand that relationships aren't perfect, things don't always go your way and you have to fight your own battles to get anywhere. but i don't want realism! or should that be COMPLETE realism, i want that little bit of magic (in the least lame way possible) that unexpectancy, a sudden change in fate,where my life alters every so slightly. this isn't me saying my life is awful because that would be me being melodramatic, i'm healthy, i have friends, family, i'm smart and creative, i have a job and good grades i just want a nice surprise, not having to feel like i have to work for once to break this monotony, but i think i will have to wait. i have heard good things happen to those who wait.
sorry about the moan and thanks for reading i really am....
tragic.
Sunday, 30 October 2011
Questions, Short Posts and Priorities.
Well this is a first! two posts in a day! you can tell i'm bored out of my mind....
i've just found out a little news, you know how i said in my last post that i was giving up on Gareth? well my friend Bella gave me a little nugget today and here is what it was. basically her boyfriend was also at the party and he said that: on tuesday night when you left, gareth was like 'is it just me, or was (my name) reaaally hot?' and apparently he wouldn't shut up about it!'
I MEAN WHAT THE HELL!?! IM SO CONFUSED! so now i don't know what's going on anymore, this is a new one on me!
So i now have a decision. either i act on it or i don't.
basically, everyone 6th form goes to hangout outside tescos at lunch because as i go to an all girls school its the only time you get to meet guys so i can understand why they would and i know gareth's friends hangout there as well as some of my friends who are dating his friends so theoretically i could just go out and chill. BUT on monday lunchtime i mentor a year nine girl in english and she is a BAAAAAABE. and i can't really let her down because i don't want her to fail english exams.
HOWEVER, if i'm sneaky i could do our session really fast, or just tell her about gareth? i'm sure she'd understand because she's a saint. so i'm going to have to think on this....
and decide what to wear... just in case...
tragic.
i've just found out a little news, you know how i said in my last post that i was giving up on Gareth? well my friend Bella gave me a little nugget today and here is what it was. basically her boyfriend was also at the party and he said that: on tuesday night when you left, gareth was like 'is it just me, or was (my name) reaaally hot?' and apparently he wouldn't shut up about it!'
I MEAN WHAT THE HELL!?! IM SO CONFUSED! so now i don't know what's going on anymore, this is a new one on me!
So i now have a decision. either i act on it or i don't.
basically, everyone 6th form goes to hangout outside tescos at lunch because as i go to an all girls school its the only time you get to meet guys so i can understand why they would and i know gareth's friends hangout there as well as some of my friends who are dating his friends so theoretically i could just go out and chill. BUT on monday lunchtime i mentor a year nine girl in english and she is a BAAAAAABE. and i can't really let her down because i don't want her to fail english exams.
HOWEVER, if i'm sneaky i could do our session really fast, or just tell her about gareth? i'm sure she'd understand because she's a saint. so i'm going to have to think on this....
and decide what to wear... just in case...
tragic.
A Long Long Long Sunday Afternoon.
Today i have finally accepted that nothing is going to go on with Graham, i mean i struck up conversation with him over facebook on thursday and it was alright, a little slow but it did span over a few hours and it wasn't the generic conversation that sometimes happens so i thought maybe it would prompt more chats, but no deal.
you see, i have a guidelines when to tell if a guy is into you and when he's not (these rules apply when you've just met the guy the night before or something):
1.) he adds you on facebook, not the other way round. this is always a good sign because it shows that he's interest in you enough to want to have a stalk of your facebook also it shows he remembers you and your name which is always a bonus.
2.) he talks to you on facebook (as in he starts the conversation) and seems genuinely interested in having a conversation. this means he asks you questions and here is the big thing, if you don't reply to something he has said he'll say something else, it shows he wants to keep the conversation going and obviously that he wants to keep talking to you.
3) phone numbers, my experience has been mixed about phone numbers i don't think it matters who gives who but be sure if you are the one giving out your number there is a valid reason for doing so so make one up, the classic (but awful) one is: "hey i'm going now but i enjoyed our chat here's my number ....... maybe we can carry it on later?". it's so blatant but i know SO many girls (and guys) who have used it and i've seen it work, so trust okay?
4) see if he starts conversation with you in general, if you are the one always starting the conversation no matter how good it is, it could be that he's not into you, if you have a massive urge to talk to him make sure it's because you need to 'ask him something' or start off with a little in joke, start with a hi and make sure you get to your point, don't blaze in like HI HOW ARE YOU? WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO? HAHAHAHA OH YOU'RE SO FUNNY!!!! that's not subtle. at all.
5) if conversation is still not happened three days after the event, it's a no go, forget about it move on, fish in the sea all that shit.
these are a few of the many i have (it's just i can't remember them all), and i know it's lame but i tend to stick to them because i always get worried if i seem to keen so i'm a sorta 'hard to get' girl, in the least lame way possible. and it is because of the rules that i'm not going to follow up on Graham because, let's be honest, it was one night, it was fun, would i liked it to have gone somewhere? yes. did it? no. should i move on? yes, life's too short for a drunk boy at a party anyway. School's about to start again so i'll be getting back to having no social life and working so hard i think my brain is going to melt out of my ears.
tragic.
you see, i have a guidelines when to tell if a guy is into you and when he's not (these rules apply when you've just met the guy the night before or something):
1.) he adds you on facebook, not the other way round. this is always a good sign because it shows that he's interest in you enough to want to have a stalk of your facebook also it shows he remembers you and your name which is always a bonus.
2.) he talks to you on facebook (as in he starts the conversation) and seems genuinely interested in having a conversation. this means he asks you questions and here is the big thing, if you don't reply to something he has said he'll say something else, it shows he wants to keep the conversation going and obviously that he wants to keep talking to you.
3) phone numbers, my experience has been mixed about phone numbers i don't think it matters who gives who but be sure if you are the one giving out your number there is a valid reason for doing so so make one up, the classic (but awful) one is: "hey i'm going now but i enjoyed our chat here's my number ....... maybe we can carry it on later?". it's so blatant but i know SO many girls (and guys) who have used it and i've seen it work, so trust okay?
4) see if he starts conversation with you in general, if you are the one always starting the conversation no matter how good it is, it could be that he's not into you, if you have a massive urge to talk to him make sure it's because you need to 'ask him something' or start off with a little in joke, start with a hi and make sure you get to your point, don't blaze in like HI HOW ARE YOU? WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO? HAHAHAHA OH YOU'RE SO FUNNY!!!! that's not subtle. at all.
5) if conversation is still not happened three days after the event, it's a no go, forget about it move on, fish in the sea all that shit.
these are a few of the many i have (it's just i can't remember them all), and i know it's lame but i tend to stick to them because i always get worried if i seem to keen so i'm a sorta 'hard to get' girl, in the least lame way possible. and it is because of the rules that i'm not going to follow up on Graham because, let's be honest, it was one night, it was fun, would i liked it to have gone somewhere? yes. did it? no. should i move on? yes, life's too short for a drunk boy at a party anyway. School's about to start again so i'll be getting back to having no social life and working so hard i think my brain is going to melt out of my ears.
tragic.
Grinding, Sweating and Just Plain Vom.
So I went our to a club event yesterday with a few friends and I came to this conclusion: I really don't like them. And its not just this club because this is one of the better ones its clubbing in general, I really despise it. I'm going sound well nana saying this but the music is too loud, girls degrade themselves and people act like they can do whatever the fuck they like and ill explain each point in turn. The music. And I actually enjoy the type of music they play its just so loud, and usually that's fine but when you go to meet people its ridiculous because you can't talk unless you go inhale someone's second hand smoke outside which I won't lie, isn't the best way I would like to spend my evening. This leads me nicely into my next point. Because you can't actually speak to anyone everyone judges everyone else by appearance alone which means girls dress in THE most skimpy, grim little outfit they can by from primark in order to lure a male specimen. I mean there was this girl wandering around yesterday in a bra and skirt and let's just say it was no becoming in the slightest. grim I know, she's so going to regret that in the morning because im PRETTY SURE she entered with a top on. Anyway next point! Because of these slutty outfits guys just throw themselves into the girls and get with them, 'grind' with them, whatever. The point is i think its so manky! I mean why is it when there's alcohol, a hot, sweaty room and loud music people think that's acceptable? ill let you think... the answer is IT'S NEVER ACCEPTABLE! we're not at magaluf people! and its not just guys, girls do it too and its so grim! I just don't fit into places like that, I'm (lets be honest here) exactly 'fit' so I'm never going to have guys swarming me, and I don't appreciate having BO smelling, sticky guys rubbing their penis against my legs thank you very much! And don't get me wrong, I love a good party, but a HOUSE party, where you can have a CONVERSATION you know those crazy things! It means I can meet people and they can get past my less than average exterior and see the glowing personality underneath, cheesy shit I know, I'm brilliant at that bollocks. ANYWAY, I've decided to maybe give it one more go then maybe just stick to house parties. At least I can pick up guys at a house party...
Tragic.
(also sorry for the lack of formatting on my phone and I wrote this at work)
Tragic.
(also sorry for the lack of formatting on my phone and I wrote this at work)
Wednesday, 26 October 2011
Alcohol, Mayo, and P to D Ratio.
yesterday i was invited to a guy's house party who i met on friday and i was skeptical. i mean from the group on facebook there didn't seem like many people so i was worried, also the girl to boy ratio was all off, there looked like there was going to be ALOT OF GIRLS. well anyway me and my friends turned up at eight, fashionably late, there was only 5 people there.... uh oh, this is going to be crap. uh oh i don't know any of them. so we go put our bags upstairs and i glug down some of this dangerous mix of alcoholic cocktail which i invented before we left, lets just say i needed the courage. so we go back down and we socialise and i met a guy named Graham. he seemed nice, we talked about my deadly cocktail, had a bit of banter it was nice, and i felt something i've not felt in awhile, a FANCY. i actually thought he was pretty nice, he understood my humour and i didn't know where this would go but i quite enjoyed fancying him, even if it was going to be just for a night. and when more people started coming it got even nicer, everyone was lovely and the ratio leveled out! and i actually felt good for the first time in ages, i felt popular, i felt happy and i felt like people actually wanted to talk to me. so me and graham hung out together, i realised he knew people i did because he was at reading with them, and he even said he wished i had gone so that was a bonus. also had a cheeky stalk today (some of you might remember i am very pro facebook stalk, it's a beautiful thing) and it seems good.
ANYWAY sorry back to the party. so yeah, i was a good girl, i mingled, and chatted and flirted and generally had a really good time. and slowly, slowly graham started to make a move on me, which obviously i didn't reject. we had banter as we hid peoples' drinks for our on little stash and laughed and chatted then we ended up outside because he felt ill, i mean he had been drinking very heavily and then the next moment could have ever happened to me after we kissed the first time he turned around into the bush and vommed spectacularly, yummy. but bless him he apologised so many times in the space of a minutes so now i took on the role of carer. you know, the person who looks after the sick drunks and actually i didnt really mind, because i still quite liked him, is that lame? so we spent the rest of the time outside, in the cold on the wet grass and someone brought some water and bread and i sat with him because he didnt want me to leave, it was rather sweet really. we went back inside and he remained close and huggy and it was nice. BUT here is where my paranoid brain kicks in, i took him into the bathroom and he started being more distant again so maybe i was just a fling to him? and i decided fuck it, so i took his phone and put my number in, so it's all up to him really, but i don't think he'll text me really. but then at the same time he did add me on facebook and not the other way round? i don't know, i don't think anything will come of it but it's cool, as georgia would say: no regrets.
tragic.
ANYWAY sorry back to the party. so yeah, i was a good girl, i mingled, and chatted and flirted and generally had a really good time. and slowly, slowly graham started to make a move on me, which obviously i didn't reject. we had banter as we hid peoples' drinks for our on little stash and laughed and chatted then we ended up outside because he felt ill, i mean he had been drinking very heavily and then the next moment could have ever happened to me after we kissed the first time he turned around into the bush and vommed spectacularly, yummy. but bless him he apologised so many times in the space of a minutes so now i took on the role of carer. you know, the person who looks after the sick drunks and actually i didnt really mind, because i still quite liked him, is that lame? so we spent the rest of the time outside, in the cold on the wet grass and someone brought some water and bread and i sat with him because he didnt want me to leave, it was rather sweet really. we went back inside and he remained close and huggy and it was nice. BUT here is where my paranoid brain kicks in, i took him into the bathroom and he started being more distant again so maybe i was just a fling to him? and i decided fuck it, so i took his phone and put my number in, so it's all up to him really, but i don't think he'll text me really. but then at the same time he did add me on facebook and not the other way round? i don't know, i don't think anything will come of it but it's cool, as georgia would say: no regrets.
tragic.
Last Friday Night (yeah we took too many shot)
Well lookyhere guys! we're almost up to date, i thought this would never happen... I HAD SUCH A SHITTY NIGHT ON FRIDAY. after weeks and weeks of school, not going out because of work, crying over Aristotle's theory and common room bitching this party was meant to signal the start of a good half term, but it was anything but.
First off the guy who was having this thing was an angel, bless him he's so sweet so i felt bad that i knew everyone was going to trash his house because everyone knew about this party. EVERYONE.
So i go around to Sarah's before and we get ready with a few others, and we're all looking forward to a great night, fast forward to the train station. first of all, i have to pay for the train, granted it's only a pound fifty but if we'd sat down at the OTHER end of the train we would have avoided the ticket collect, but then again he was a saintly man and we all had a little chat with him so actually, it was worth it.
so get off the train and there's some guys we vaguely know getting a taxi but we decide to walk, as we are young, fit individuals.... half an hour later... we're completely lost. and in the dark. things arent looking up, but we eventually get there. and the first thing my friend Tara says (she's been there since the beginning) when i come in is "it's such a dickfest in here" and MY GOD WAS SHE TELLING THE TRUTH. there were so many people there and most of them were guys, and i dont know about you but the only thing i can't do at a party is mingle into a group of guys, if i know them it's fine or there's girls in the group i'm fine but these were large of group of unknown guys so i ended up chillin with some guys i know, for some reason i always chill with the guys never the girls, i dont know why it happens but it does. ANYWAY that's moving away from the point, so we all get kicked out by the police because of the noise at about 11, and this guy is having a asthma attack because he has smoked a lot of shit. what a twat. but me and a friend of mine sort him out and can i just say it was such a scary thing, his eyes were rolling back and he kept falling over, i won't lie, after the shock hit me i had a little cry, my drunken brain had told me he was going to die, maybe i was overreacting i dont know?
so the train gets to the station at ten past 12 so we head back and it's SO COLD, actually freezing, i'm not a happy bunny. and to top it all off some yob head throws a potato at me from his car. A POTATO. AN ACTUAL POTATO. it hit me so hard i thought i'd been shot and was going to die. and i had no idea where it had come from for awhile, i won't lie i did look to the sky, then at all the buildings but then i realised the it must have been from a car. and this wasnt a small potato, you know the type of potato you'd have roasted on a sunday, i mean this potato could have been a substantial meal for someone, needless to say, it hurt. and now i have a lovely purple bruise on my chest. so we get back to Sarah's and i just want to crash out and sleep, aching, cold and potato bruised and not a flirt insight.
tragic.
First off the guy who was having this thing was an angel, bless him he's so sweet so i felt bad that i knew everyone was going to trash his house because everyone knew about this party. EVERYONE.
So i go around to Sarah's before and we get ready with a few others, and we're all looking forward to a great night, fast forward to the train station. first of all, i have to pay for the train, granted it's only a pound fifty but if we'd sat down at the OTHER end of the train we would have avoided the ticket collect, but then again he was a saintly man and we all had a little chat with him so actually, it was worth it.
so get off the train and there's some guys we vaguely know getting a taxi but we decide to walk, as we are young, fit individuals.... half an hour later... we're completely lost. and in the dark. things arent looking up, but we eventually get there. and the first thing my friend Tara says (she's been there since the beginning) when i come in is "it's such a dickfest in here" and MY GOD WAS SHE TELLING THE TRUTH. there were so many people there and most of them were guys, and i dont know about you but the only thing i can't do at a party is mingle into a group of guys, if i know them it's fine or there's girls in the group i'm fine but these were large of group of unknown guys so i ended up chillin with some guys i know, for some reason i always chill with the guys never the girls, i dont know why it happens but it does. ANYWAY that's moving away from the point, so we all get kicked out by the police because of the noise at about 11, and this guy is having a asthma attack because he has smoked a lot of shit. what a twat. but me and a friend of mine sort him out and can i just say it was such a scary thing, his eyes were rolling back and he kept falling over, i won't lie, after the shock hit me i had a little cry, my drunken brain had told me he was going to die, maybe i was overreacting i dont know?
so the train gets to the station at ten past 12 so we head back and it's SO COLD, actually freezing, i'm not a happy bunny. and to top it all off some yob head throws a potato at me from his car. A POTATO. AN ACTUAL POTATO. it hit me so hard i thought i'd been shot and was going to die. and i had no idea where it had come from for awhile, i won't lie i did look to the sky, then at all the buildings but then i realised the it must have been from a car. and this wasnt a small potato, you know the type of potato you'd have roasted on a sunday, i mean this potato could have been a substantial meal for someone, needless to say, it hurt. and now i have a lovely purple bruise on my chest. so we get back to Sarah's and i just want to crash out and sleep, aching, cold and potato bruised and not a flirt insight.
tragic.
The Slag Stage Contin., WWII, September.
This is carrying on from the post below about the slag stage but this time it's about a little success of mine, i'm not a fail all the time! So my friend Georgia was invited to a friend of her's 18th and she gave her a plus one, so she invited me, before hand we went around to another girl's house to get ready into our costumes as the party was world war two themed which i actually thought was really cool . So we got there and WOAH. this hall was decorated so well! there was proper 40's singers and everyone was dressed up and it was SO nice! there really isn't anything to say about everything because as you know i usually moan about the shit parts of my life but there was nothing shit about it it was so much fun! the only thing i need to say i got off with a boy who i think is rather attractive and very camp and i didn't really fancy him but it was good nevertheless. and that is my summer sort of done NOW LETS MOVE ONTO MY PRESENT LIFE!
there's not really a lot of that really.
tragic.
(also feel free to leave me comments on what you'd like me to write about and also so i know there ARE people reading this... there probably isn't... tragic)
there's not really a lot of that really.
tragic.
(also feel free to leave me comments on what you'd like me to write about and also so i know there ARE people reading this... there probably isn't... tragic)
The Slag Stage, Prepubescent Boys, and Taxis.
SHIT I LOVE FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE'S NEW SONG IT MAKES MY WOMB ACHE WITH LOVE. sorry it just came one the radio and i had to get it out there. looking back that does sound rather creepy....ANYWAY
Again this is more events that occurred during the summer. Right i think everyone will agree with me once you break up with someone you do go through a slag stage, where you go out, kiss a load of boys and feel good again, it happens, no one should be ashamed of the slag stage, it's part of the natural world. well of course i went through the stage, and maybe i'm still sitting in the stage? i don't know we'll see how my life pans out. so during the summer i had two opportunities to work the slag stage, one went well, and one didn't.
So i got back from my holiday after a few flings with some spanish blokes which made me feel pretty again so it's all good. then i went to a club with my friends, and this is the bad night out. so me and my friends went to this place which we found out later is the 6TH WORST NIGHT CLUB IN EUROPE, i don't understand why we went. it was ridiculous. so we all got there a little pissed, got in and the smell of fags, BO, sweat and cheap body spray literally blew my hair back, it was so so so grim. this club is very small, very loud and full of chavy boys and large girls in skimpy outfits, not "happening" by an stretch of the imagination. i was wearing strappy heels, bad move. but i refused to take them off, i don't know what shit was on that floor, well i did, it was red bull, because that's all the can buy in this place so after a few hours lets not lie, no one was drunk, just hyper and that in my opinion is just lame. it also means that all the groppy, grindy boys were not drunk while they did these disgusting acts, foul, actually foul. some people looked like they were having sex they were grinding so graphically in front of us. nice, real nice.
so by half ten i just wanted to go home, but we had said we'd stick it out to the end (which was at one) and none of us were going to break that promise. so we were stuck in this hot, sweaty night club (which was so crowded some people couldn't get on and off the dance floor) and going outside was impossible as it was full of underage smokers under a thick fog of fag smoke, attractive i know. So let me sum it up for you, inside, the prospect of being felt up by some ugly prepubescence boy or passing out because of the heat, or going outside and increasing my chance of lung cancer, gross.
and you know what tops this all off? so when we finally leave, our taxi doesn't turn up. fucking brilliant.
and so we sat there with groups of scary chavs around us, and there were a few times where i thought it was the end for me and i was going to get raped or something like that.
so we have to phone for another and i get home at 3 in the morning, smelling of other peoples sweat, red blocks of pain as my feet and tired as hell. bed was so necessary. what a shitty night.
tragic.
Again this is more events that occurred during the summer. Right i think everyone will agree with me once you break up with someone you do go through a slag stage, where you go out, kiss a load of boys and feel good again, it happens, no one should be ashamed of the slag stage, it's part of the natural world. well of course i went through the stage, and maybe i'm still sitting in the stage? i don't know we'll see how my life pans out. so during the summer i had two opportunities to work the slag stage, one went well, and one didn't.
So i got back from my holiday after a few flings with some spanish blokes which made me feel pretty again so it's all good. then i went to a club with my friends, and this is the bad night out. so me and my friends went to this place which we found out later is the 6TH WORST NIGHT CLUB IN EUROPE, i don't understand why we went. it was ridiculous. so we all got there a little pissed, got in and the smell of fags, BO, sweat and cheap body spray literally blew my hair back, it was so so so grim. this club is very small, very loud and full of chavy boys and large girls in skimpy outfits, not "happening" by an stretch of the imagination. i was wearing strappy heels, bad move. but i refused to take them off, i don't know what shit was on that floor, well i did, it was red bull, because that's all the can buy in this place so after a few hours lets not lie, no one was drunk, just hyper and that in my opinion is just lame. it also means that all the groppy, grindy boys were not drunk while they did these disgusting acts, foul, actually foul. some people looked like they were having sex they were grinding so graphically in front of us. nice, real nice.
so by half ten i just wanted to go home, but we had said we'd stick it out to the end (which was at one) and none of us were going to break that promise. so we were stuck in this hot, sweaty night club (which was so crowded some people couldn't get on and off the dance floor) and going outside was impossible as it was full of underage smokers under a thick fog of fag smoke, attractive i know. So let me sum it up for you, inside, the prospect of being felt up by some ugly prepubescence boy or passing out because of the heat, or going outside and increasing my chance of lung cancer, gross.
and you know what tops this all off? so when we finally leave, our taxi doesn't turn up. fucking brilliant.
and so we sat there with groups of scary chavs around us, and there were a few times where i thought it was the end for me and i was going to get raped or something like that.
so we have to phone for another and i get home at 3 in the morning, smelling of other peoples sweat, red blocks of pain as my feet and tired as hell. bed was so necessary. what a shitty night.
tragic.
I'm A Convert.
Again, sorry for being slow with the posts I'm attempting to pick up the pace of the posts from now on. The title of the post has nothing to do with what I'm going to say other than I've changed my radio station. And for me, this is a big thing. Because I LOVE the radio, I wake up to it, I'd much rather listen to it then my ipod and for me it is a daily thing. For me radio 1 seemed a little so, so, i HATED fern cotton and thought it was a bit "charty" but i have to say, i have been a fool. it's great. chris moyles is great. and i am happy.
ANYWAY enough about radio banter i need to fill you in with my life from my last post. This should get us all up to date with my ridiculous life and then we can move on like we did before, a post every few days and dat.
OKAY, lets start with that blind date and work through this little scenario.
firstly, can i just say i feel really bad? because this boy is lovely, sweet, a bit of a lad, but completely not my type and i get so angry with myself because i just don't fancy him! it's not fair! stupid brain.
so it turned out that it wasn't a complete blind date, i was hanging out with Sarah and her boyfriend as this guy, his name is changing to Tom (i don't think i've used that name before?)
So he was a little quiet but that's only fair, we sat next to each other in the cinema and a little chat and he was very sweet actually, defiantly not one of the dicks i usually fancy. but the thing was, i knew, straight away, i didn't fancy him. sitting on the bus home i could have punched myself as i came to that conclusion, i mean SERIOUSLY?! what is wrong with me?! he started talking to me on facebook chat and casually gave me his number which in any other situation would have made me a very happy lady but, i didn't know how i felt. so that meant we started texting and bless him he made me a birthday card for my birthday, i mean, THIS GUY. what a saint.
So i thought, it test whether or not i liked him another meeting was necessarily so we met up in town to chill. and again it was fine, nothing happened, and thinking back i'm GLAD it didn't at least i can distance myself slowly without hurting him or anything because he is such a genuine guy and i feel like a right dickhead. i'm such a twat.
tragic.
ANYWAY enough about radio banter i need to fill you in with my life from my last post. This should get us all up to date with my ridiculous life and then we can move on like we did before, a post every few days and dat.
OKAY, lets start with that blind date and work through this little scenario.
firstly, can i just say i feel really bad? because this boy is lovely, sweet, a bit of a lad, but completely not my type and i get so angry with myself because i just don't fancy him! it's not fair! stupid brain.
so it turned out that it wasn't a complete blind date, i was hanging out with Sarah and her boyfriend as this guy, his name is changing to Tom (i don't think i've used that name before?)
So he was a little quiet but that's only fair, we sat next to each other in the cinema and a little chat and he was very sweet actually, defiantly not one of the dicks i usually fancy. but the thing was, i knew, straight away, i didn't fancy him. sitting on the bus home i could have punched myself as i came to that conclusion, i mean SERIOUSLY?! what is wrong with me?! he started talking to me on facebook chat and casually gave me his number which in any other situation would have made me a very happy lady but, i didn't know how i felt. so that meant we started texting and bless him he made me a birthday card for my birthday, i mean, THIS GUY. what a saint.
So i thought, it test whether or not i liked him another meeting was necessarily so we met up in town to chill. and again it was fine, nothing happened, and thinking back i'm GLAD it didn't at least i can distance myself slowly without hurting him or anything because he is such a genuine guy and i feel like a right dickhead. i'm such a twat.
tragic.
Tuesday, 23 August 2011
Pizza, Baby Borrowers, Inbetweeners and Avoiding Hideous Artwork.
Today I have come to the conclusion. I'm so not going to finish all my holiday work. The week before school is going to hit me... hard. Today I've done a pitiful amount of work, it's unreal. And now i'm really procrastinating for the rest of the evening, this is so, so bad. i mean the work is all around me but there is NO motivation. ANYWAY you don't want to hear about my school worries, i'll find time... somewhere i will not sleep until i've decided i have done a fair amount. what i DID want to talk about is that i'm going on a blind date tomorrow, well... it's not really a blind date, i mean i know the guy's name and facebook etc but i've never met him before so it's like a SEMI blind date.
obviously i did the facebook stalk. whoever doesn't do the stalk is weird and whoever says they don't do the stalk is a filthy liar.
the stalk gives you power.
it prepares you.
the stalk is a friend.
so i had a little look, well okay a massive hour long stalk. and it all seemed alright!
he's quite hot, all the groups he's liked i've found funny or agreed with and at the end of the day i have absolutely nothing to lose... apart from a day of school work that i wouldnt have done anyway. and anyway i get to see my friend sarah and her boyfriend both who i love so if it all goes tits up then at least i have that! ALSO, thursday is going to be the first day i'll have seen will since we split up so that could go one of two ways but i know these facts for sure. 1) the people there at the party like me so i wont have to worry about that and 2) will will (see what i did there) make no effort to speak to me. so my decision is this: i will also make no effort, i mean i shouldnt have to and if he really wanted to be friends and make the effort to make the whole situation with everyone less awkward he would have by now. so, his loss. i'm just going to be brilliantly amazing, socialising, playing my beautiful ukulele and just generally rubbing how amazing i am in his face. not that im bitter. ;) no honestly i'm not i just like making a fuss and you should know that by now.
ANYWAY, i have more boy stuff in my life now so i will be able to talk to more often! but i should go now and 'work' (watch tv and eat) plus i have really really painful pins and needles in my hand that hurts like a bitch... im actually a little worried it's going to fall off....
tragic.
obviously i did the facebook stalk. whoever doesn't do the stalk is weird and whoever says they don't do the stalk is a filthy liar.
the stalk gives you power.
it prepares you.
the stalk is a friend.
so i had a little look, well okay a massive hour long stalk. and it all seemed alright!
he's quite hot, all the groups he's liked i've found funny or agreed with and at the end of the day i have absolutely nothing to lose... apart from a day of school work that i wouldnt have done anyway. and anyway i get to see my friend sarah and her boyfriend both who i love so if it all goes tits up then at least i have that! ALSO, thursday is going to be the first day i'll have seen will since we split up so that could go one of two ways but i know these facts for sure. 1) the people there at the party like me so i wont have to worry about that and 2) will will (see what i did there) make no effort to speak to me. so my decision is this: i will also make no effort, i mean i shouldnt have to and if he really wanted to be friends and make the effort to make the whole situation with everyone less awkward he would have by now. so, his loss. i'm just going to be brilliantly amazing, socialising, playing my beautiful ukulele and just generally rubbing how amazing i am in his face. not that im bitter. ;) no honestly i'm not i just like making a fuss and you should know that by now.
ANYWAY, i have more boy stuff in my life now so i will be able to talk to more often! but i should go now and 'work' (watch tv and eat) plus i have really really painful pins and needles in my hand that hurts like a bitch... im actually a little worried it's going to fall off....
tragic.
Friday, 19 August 2011
TimeKeeping Is A Big No No For Me.
i'm sorry for being so late with my post.... 3 months late... but whatever! the thing is i've gone through some shit recently but i am recovered i will tell all but in minimal detail because i am so very lazy, and of course i like talking about myself, the self indulgent person which i am!
Anyway, me and Will are over, and i KNOW i didn't exactly tell you guys we were together but we were for almost 2 months, but now we're not. and it was hard. it was very hard. i think it was because everything was going so well and then it hit me outta the blue.
"why did he end it!?" i hear you cry, well i will tell you because this blog helps me as much as it amuses you!
well he told me he still had feelings for his ex, we'll call her Rachel. now rachel was a close friend of his but i never thought anything of it, especially as she was going out with Will's best friend and they're at the stage when they're seriously talking about marriage. so i was slightly surprised. to put it mildly.
so, we talked about this and the only thing you really need to know is that he said "he still wanted to be with me" take that as a note! i told him to make a proper decision and an hour later i got a gushy, forgiving text asking if i'd stay with him, and STUPIDLY i said yes. i know i know what an idiot i should have kicked that boy out the door as soon as, but like i said i'm an idiot. the next day i woke up feeling SHITE. proper shite. i mean i turned on the radio when a song that reminded me of him came on and i burst into tears on my own in the kitchen. i had a very sad existence that day where i just sat by the phone. i'm an idiot.
right, BEFORE all this surreal shit we had arranged for him to come over on tuesday evening. but he was a no show. it was around that moment when i felt absolutely awful. i couldnt eat i was so nervous, i was snappy and stressed and a crazy bitch and eventhough later he explained why i was seething a little, but mostly just sad.
he dragged it on till wednesday and then we split. i think i kind of mentally prepared myself for it. it was the standard "we should spend some time apart" bajango. after i ate a whole pizza and went to bed. the next day i ate my sister's leftover pizza in my pjs and watched all the xmen films then went out with my friends and got smashed, it was a beautiful thing. the whole week i felt awful but it slowly started to go away. first i felt awful all the time. then only in the mornings and the evenings. then only the mornings. and now it's every so often. i've realised that it's not that i miss HIM anymore, i just miss the relationship. a week after i tried to start a friendly chat but it didn't go anywhere but i'm glad i did, i mean now it's his turn, i've done my part dickhead!
my mummy helped me alot. during my holiday we got drunk at a bar a wrote a list of why i was better off, i recommend doing the list. it's fun, and bitchy and hilarious, i wish i could post it here but i'm not that much of an idiot, lets just say my favourite was "doesn't comprehend public transport" curtsey of my mother <3
today i've found out something even more ridiculous.
about 3 weeks ago he told another close friend of his that he fancied her and always did a little bit, so that was rachel out of the window then, apparently those feelings DID go away, and apparently quite quickly. what makes me laugh is that she is best friends with one of my friends so knew about me and rachel. will said that the rachel thing was "blown out of proportion and he was talking about loving her like a sister".... bull. shit.
i mean i actually LAUGHED when i found out, i know he only said that because he was worried that this new girl would not be interested at all if there was a possibility he fancied another girl. so i think i dodged a bullet there. i mean a boy who fancies 3 girls in the space of two months. really? is this boy for real? oh well now this new girl (who i actually like so there is no dislike there) can live with his bad time keeping, laziness, shyness, and tightness.... oops did i just say a little bit of the list? ;)
ANYWAY, lately my life has not been very eventful, just been meeting friends and working my way out of this mess. and i've worked out ways of making myself better as a person:
1) i've learnt the ukulele
2) i've finally joined a church
3) i've grown closer to my family and friends
4) i've been looking for volunteer work i can do because i've realised helping people makes me feel good
5) i've been looking for parties to go to
6) i've been watching classic old films, foreign films, films that everyone has seen but me just so i have more things to chat about in general
6) and most importantly IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR A NEW MAN and notice i said man, not boy.
but know i am happy as who i am, at the end of the day i was never going to marry Will and there will be other boys other chances. actually there will be BETTER boys and BETTER chances!
i'm going to a really trashy club at the end of the month which will be a laugh if nothing else, full of ugly, testosterone filled boys and scantily clad girls. it'll be a beautiful evening.
i have no life.
tragic.
Anyway, me and Will are over, and i KNOW i didn't exactly tell you guys we were together but we were for almost 2 months, but now we're not. and it was hard. it was very hard. i think it was because everything was going so well and then it hit me outta the blue.
"why did he end it!?" i hear you cry, well i will tell you because this blog helps me as much as it amuses you!
well he told me he still had feelings for his ex, we'll call her Rachel. now rachel was a close friend of his but i never thought anything of it, especially as she was going out with Will's best friend and they're at the stage when they're seriously talking about marriage. so i was slightly surprised. to put it mildly.
so, we talked about this and the only thing you really need to know is that he said "he still wanted to be with me" take that as a note! i told him to make a proper decision and an hour later i got a gushy, forgiving text asking if i'd stay with him, and STUPIDLY i said yes. i know i know what an idiot i should have kicked that boy out the door as soon as, but like i said i'm an idiot. the next day i woke up feeling SHITE. proper shite. i mean i turned on the radio when a song that reminded me of him came on and i burst into tears on my own in the kitchen. i had a very sad existence that day where i just sat by the phone. i'm an idiot.
right, BEFORE all this surreal shit we had arranged for him to come over on tuesday evening. but he was a no show. it was around that moment when i felt absolutely awful. i couldnt eat i was so nervous, i was snappy and stressed and a crazy bitch and eventhough later he explained why i was seething a little, but mostly just sad.
he dragged it on till wednesday and then we split. i think i kind of mentally prepared myself for it. it was the standard "we should spend some time apart" bajango. after i ate a whole pizza and went to bed. the next day i ate my sister's leftover pizza in my pjs and watched all the xmen films then went out with my friends and got smashed, it was a beautiful thing. the whole week i felt awful but it slowly started to go away. first i felt awful all the time. then only in the mornings and the evenings. then only the mornings. and now it's every so often. i've realised that it's not that i miss HIM anymore, i just miss the relationship. a week after i tried to start a friendly chat but it didn't go anywhere but i'm glad i did, i mean now it's his turn, i've done my part dickhead!
my mummy helped me alot. during my holiday we got drunk at a bar a wrote a list of why i was better off, i recommend doing the list. it's fun, and bitchy and hilarious, i wish i could post it here but i'm not that much of an idiot, lets just say my favourite was "doesn't comprehend public transport" curtsey of my mother <3
today i've found out something even more ridiculous.
about 3 weeks ago he told another close friend of his that he fancied her and always did a little bit, so that was rachel out of the window then, apparently those feelings DID go away, and apparently quite quickly. what makes me laugh is that she is best friends with one of my friends so knew about me and rachel. will said that the rachel thing was "blown out of proportion and he was talking about loving her like a sister".... bull. shit.
i mean i actually LAUGHED when i found out, i know he only said that because he was worried that this new girl would not be interested at all if there was a possibility he fancied another girl. so i think i dodged a bullet there. i mean a boy who fancies 3 girls in the space of two months. really? is this boy for real? oh well now this new girl (who i actually like so there is no dislike there) can live with his bad time keeping, laziness, shyness, and tightness.... oops did i just say a little bit of the list? ;)
ANYWAY, lately my life has not been very eventful, just been meeting friends and working my way out of this mess. and i've worked out ways of making myself better as a person:
1) i've learnt the ukulele
2) i've finally joined a church
3) i've grown closer to my family and friends
4) i've been looking for volunteer work i can do because i've realised helping people makes me feel good
5) i've been looking for parties to go to
6) i've been watching classic old films, foreign films, films that everyone has seen but me just so i have more things to chat about in general
6) and most importantly IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR A NEW MAN and notice i said man, not boy.
but know i am happy as who i am, at the end of the day i was never going to marry Will and there will be other boys other chances. actually there will be BETTER boys and BETTER chances!
i'm going to a really trashy club at the end of the month which will be a laugh if nothing else, full of ugly, testosterone filled boys and scantily clad girls. it'll be a beautiful evening.
i have no life.
tragic.
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
Doctor Who Moves, Water Errors and Weak Hugs.
okay things are looking very up with Will at the moment, i just hope he isn't another Luke and is messing me around and sending me the wrong messages, but i don't think he is, he doesn't seem the type... ANYWAY.
well there has been progression: firstly and most importantly, im going to prom with will!! and it was a joint decision so i'm happy happy happy so in order to get to know each other better (like he said) i invited Will around on sunday as i was worried it was going to get to the point where we'd only text and it would get awkward.
SO FAST FORWARD TO SUNDAY MORNING.
i'm bricking it.
the only boy who's ever been around to my house and had any sort of fancying potential was Lewis and he fancied me NOT the other way round! so there is proper panic. (please remember that this is two days after the awful bus stop fiasco) I phone my friend Cathy like PROPER freaking out. we end up going through possible scenarios of the day, how to set up as much talking points as physically possible and im getting calmer UNTIL I LOOK AT THE CLOCK.
WE'VE BEEN ON THE PHONE FOR 2 HOURS. HE COMES IN LIKE HALF AN HOUR. AND MY ROOM STILL LOOKS LIKE A SMALL CHILDS ROOM. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
so i run round my room, shoving all the embarrassing items under my bed and pray that they stay there unseen. i blitz the living room and sit down for some revision with my music in the kitchen, i'm cool, i'm calm, i'm collected, and i'm going to die.
So, i get a phone call from him, so i pick up and try to be casual as he asks me which house mine is. aaaah!
he finds the house, comes in and sit down at the table and chat for a bit, and surprisingly, it's not awkward, not bad and im enjoying myself. HOWEVER I MAKE A FATAL ERROR.
in order to fill any silences i took a sip out of my glass of water you know just so the conversation can flow better. BAD MISTAKE. so after a tour of my house and the chat we sit down to watch doctor who i decide to sit rather close to him you know allowing something to happen if he wants it and we watch and we comment and laugh then WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN?!
i need the loo.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. WHY!?
so i decide i have to get up. on my way back i notice him looking me up and down, checking me out? just curious? or perhaps even gay? i'm joking i have no idea if or what it meant. so i sit down exactly where i sat before (i know this because i had his jumper over my knees and i put it right where i was sitting when i left) and this is the puzzling thing, he makes the move, but DOES HE?!
i mean if he did and it was planned he is very, very good at it i didn't even notice.
but i think he must have had is arm stretched over the back of the sofa before i got there so when i sat down it was behind me... so either it was planned OR it just happened to be their and side down to around my shoulders? hmmmmm....
so we watch the rest of doctor who like that and then when it's over the moment passes and we're sitting separate again, sad times.
pause for some more banter and we decide on mario kart wii which was hilarious. and will gets on with my bro which is a plus and it's just so casual and nice!
then we move to my bedroom.
now this is a big step.
i don't usually let anyone into my room, even friends really. it's my own special little place where i can get away from life, but now i am MIGHTY glad that i tidied the array of tampons, dirty clothes and girly magazines off my floor.
so we sit on my bed and chat but NOTHING HAPPENS. flippin heck, what am i supposed to do?! launch myself on him?! but it was a nice day where we got to know each other better and when his dad came we hugged but this is a bad point i have found about Will. he is an awful hugger. they're weak and limp and... urgh.
i'm just hoping this will go somewhere, the possibility is getting me through exams.
tragic.
well there has been progression: firstly and most importantly, im going to prom with will!! and it was a joint decision so i'm happy happy happy so in order to get to know each other better (like he said) i invited Will around on sunday as i was worried it was going to get to the point where we'd only text and it would get awkward.
SO FAST FORWARD TO SUNDAY MORNING.
i'm bricking it.
the only boy who's ever been around to my house and had any sort of fancying potential was Lewis and he fancied me NOT the other way round! so there is proper panic. (please remember that this is two days after the awful bus stop fiasco) I phone my friend Cathy like PROPER freaking out. we end up going through possible scenarios of the day, how to set up as much talking points as physically possible and im getting calmer UNTIL I LOOK AT THE CLOCK.
WE'VE BEEN ON THE PHONE FOR 2 HOURS. HE COMES IN LIKE HALF AN HOUR. AND MY ROOM STILL LOOKS LIKE A SMALL CHILDS ROOM. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
so i run round my room, shoving all the embarrassing items under my bed and pray that they stay there unseen. i blitz the living room and sit down for some revision with my music in the kitchen, i'm cool, i'm calm, i'm collected, and i'm going to die.
So, i get a phone call from him, so i pick up and try to be casual as he asks me which house mine is. aaaah!
he finds the house, comes in and sit down at the table and chat for a bit, and surprisingly, it's not awkward, not bad and im enjoying myself. HOWEVER I MAKE A FATAL ERROR.
in order to fill any silences i took a sip out of my glass of water you know just so the conversation can flow better. BAD MISTAKE. so after a tour of my house and the chat we sit down to watch doctor who i decide to sit rather close to him you know allowing something to happen if he wants it and we watch and we comment and laugh then WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN?!
i need the loo.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. WHY!?
so i decide i have to get up. on my way back i notice him looking me up and down, checking me out? just curious? or perhaps even gay? i'm joking i have no idea if or what it meant. so i sit down exactly where i sat before (i know this because i had his jumper over my knees and i put it right where i was sitting when i left) and this is the puzzling thing, he makes the move, but DOES HE?!
i mean if he did and it was planned he is very, very good at it i didn't even notice.
but i think he must have had is arm stretched over the back of the sofa before i got there so when i sat down it was behind me... so either it was planned OR it just happened to be their and side down to around my shoulders? hmmmmm....
so we watch the rest of doctor who like that and then when it's over the moment passes and we're sitting separate again, sad times.
pause for some more banter and we decide on mario kart wii which was hilarious. and will gets on with my bro which is a plus and it's just so casual and nice!
then we move to my bedroom.
now this is a big step.
i don't usually let anyone into my room, even friends really. it's my own special little place where i can get away from life, but now i am MIGHTY glad that i tidied the array of tampons, dirty clothes and girly magazines off my floor.
so we sit on my bed and chat but NOTHING HAPPENS. flippin heck, what am i supposed to do?! launch myself on him?! but it was a nice day where we got to know each other better and when his dad came we hugged but this is a bad point i have found about Will. he is an awful hugger. they're weak and limp and... urgh.
i'm just hoping this will go somewhere, the possibility is getting me through exams.
tragic.
Big Mistakes and Grovelling Apologises.
i've done a bad thing, and i feel terrible about it but it's all okay now hopefully!
i'll explain today was the last day of my compulsory education and it was a very good day
so i'm feeling confident when i'm walking to the bus stop, may see Will but i haven't told him, planning to be all secret and sweet, only... it doesn't happen quite like that.
Walked up, all confident, then PANIC.
he's in a big, tight group of boys.
What.
Do.
I.
Do?!?!
so i decide. and thinking back it was such a wrong decision. i walk away. stupid i know.
i walked up, and then walk away, in full view of will.
oops.
then as i walk away the regret hits me. I. AM. SUCH. A. TWAT. WHY DIDN'T I JUST GO UP AND SAY HI?! I DID IT YESTERDAY!?
so i spent the whole of the walk to my own bus stop muttering to myself things like "shit, i'm so stupid, fucking idiot" people must have thought i either had tourettes or was insane! sat down on the bus and replied to a old text he sent me earlier in the day only to get: "thanks for that at the bus stop by the way xxx"
and i feel sick.
it was then i realised that i did like him, more than i thought i did.
so i apologise and i mean GROVELLING APOLOGY.
and he accepts it, but i thought i'd apologise again you know just for good measure.
and he was a bit off until we started talking about going camping with friends after exams so happy times, i just hope it last...
tragic.
(sorry this post was written like a week ago and a lot has happened since but i thought i'd post it anyway!)
Btw i thought i'd finish the luke story while im here, im going to cut it down because i don't care about him anymore, dicking me around is not cool ;)
so anyway went to Ireland with a friend for a week and it was lovely; looking for prom dresses etc
But i start getting texts from Luke.
weird i think, i only get texts from him if i text him first.... odd.
so i reply and it gets pretty damn flirty. even odder (is that a word? i dont think so)
i even get the "who are you taking to prom" conversation we end up deciding he'll come with me (this is not that case now! just you wait...) and when i tell him about my prom dress he tells me how i'll look "stunning" WITH KISSES. now this boy never does kisses. this is big. really big.
So i decide to get very forward and say "if you want to come to prom you have to prove to me you are mature/capable enough" (coy i know just kidding im such a fail)
he says, "how do i prove i'm mature/capable enough?"
"a mature/capable person would know what to do"
"okay, i'll take you out" is the reply i get, happy days!
So we go out when i get back on the sunday and see a nice film and have a nice time and talk and laugh and it's not awkward because it's the cinema, the cinema is never an awkward date.
and things are looking up, nothing happens but i have a good feeling.
that good feeling was so wrong.
he says later that he doesn't actually like me.
and month later guess what i found out?
Luke went to a party.
Got drunk.
And lost his V.
I'M SO DONE WITH THIS SHODDY THING!
but i'm so glad he's out of my life, nothing but trouble!
i have to show you our latest conversation.
L: hi
Me: hiya
L: how are you?
M: alright you?
L: yeah i'm good
*long pause*
L:what have you been up to?
M: art coursework nothing much, you?
L: chilling after a crazy party!
M: aha
*END OF CONVERSATION*
I LOVE 'AHA' IT IS THE BEST CONVERSATION END EVER! it's like i acknowledge your point but do not find it amusing or want to comment on it... now kindly leave. its just a small noise. IT'S THE BEST! now that i have showed you it take the power and use it to your own advantage.
we probably could start an 'aha' cult, it's that good....
tragic.
i'll explain today was the last day of my compulsory education and it was a very good day
so i'm feeling confident when i'm walking to the bus stop, may see Will but i haven't told him, planning to be all secret and sweet, only... it doesn't happen quite like that.
Walked up, all confident, then PANIC.
he's in a big, tight group of boys.
What.
Do.
I.
Do?!?!
so i decide. and thinking back it was such a wrong decision. i walk away. stupid i know.
i walked up, and then walk away, in full view of will.
oops.
then as i walk away the regret hits me. I. AM. SUCH. A. TWAT. WHY DIDN'T I JUST GO UP AND SAY HI?! I DID IT YESTERDAY!?
so i spent the whole of the walk to my own bus stop muttering to myself things like "shit, i'm so stupid, fucking idiot" people must have thought i either had tourettes or was insane! sat down on the bus and replied to a old text he sent me earlier in the day only to get: "thanks for that at the bus stop by the way xxx"
and i feel sick.
it was then i realised that i did like him, more than i thought i did.
so i apologise and i mean GROVELLING APOLOGY.
and he accepts it, but i thought i'd apologise again you know just for good measure.
and he was a bit off until we started talking about going camping with friends after exams so happy times, i just hope it last...
tragic.
(sorry this post was written like a week ago and a lot has happened since but i thought i'd post it anyway!)
Btw i thought i'd finish the luke story while im here, im going to cut it down because i don't care about him anymore, dicking me around is not cool ;)
so anyway went to Ireland with a friend for a week and it was lovely; looking for prom dresses etc
But i start getting texts from Luke.
weird i think, i only get texts from him if i text him first.... odd.
so i reply and it gets pretty damn flirty. even odder (is that a word? i dont think so)
i even get the "who are you taking to prom" conversation we end up deciding he'll come with me (this is not that case now! just you wait...) and when i tell him about my prom dress he tells me how i'll look "stunning" WITH KISSES. now this boy never does kisses. this is big. really big.
So i decide to get very forward and say "if you want to come to prom you have to prove to me you are mature/capable enough" (coy i know just kidding im such a fail)
he says, "how do i prove i'm mature/capable enough?"
"a mature/capable person would know what to do"
"okay, i'll take you out" is the reply i get, happy days!
So we go out when i get back on the sunday and see a nice film and have a nice time and talk and laugh and it's not awkward because it's the cinema, the cinema is never an awkward date.
and things are looking up, nothing happens but i have a good feeling.
that good feeling was so wrong.
he says later that he doesn't actually like me.
and month later guess what i found out?
Luke went to a party.
Got drunk.
And lost his V.
I'M SO DONE WITH THIS SHODDY THING!
but i'm so glad he's out of my life, nothing but trouble!
i have to show you our latest conversation.
L: hi
Me: hiya
L: how are you?
M: alright you?
L: yeah i'm good
*long pause*
L:what have you been up to?
M: art coursework nothing much, you?
L: chilling after a crazy party!
M: aha
*END OF CONVERSATION*
I LOVE 'AHA' IT IS THE BEST CONVERSATION END EVER! it's like i acknowledge your point but do not find it amusing or want to comment on it... now kindly leave. its just a small noise. IT'S THE BEST! now that i have showed you it take the power and use it to your own advantage.
we probably could start an 'aha' cult, it's that good....
tragic.
Thursday, 12 May 2011
Just Messin', The Move, and The Oooh Do You Like Me, Do I Like You Stage.
Okay so life has made a unexpectant turn and tbh its been quite a nice change, not gunna lie. You see here is another fact about myself, i don't mind flirting with someone but i HATE fancying someone especially the flippin' 'oooh you might like me oh you don't but do you?' time before you both come to a conclusion, its the worst part eventhough everyone says its the best. they lie! you see i've met a guy, a very nice guy (i've named him Will as i met him the day of the royal wedding, i'm so cool i know) but i am at that stage. and i don't like it.
i have been in this stage many a time and NOTHING GOOD EVER COMES OF IT, well in my life anyway.
I'll go through the story and you can see for yourself why i am in SUCH A PICKLE.
so i went to a party of a guy who i know through a friend, it turned out it was less of a party and more of a gathering but from past experiences i knew most of the people there so it's all cool.
to cut a long story short i get drunk very fast and make a bit of tit out of myself and end up talking to Will, you see, i recognised him from somewhere but in my drunken haze i had forgotten.
so we talk, i remember, we joke and create our own little private joke and things were going marvellously!
it got cold and dark so we all went inside.
and by now me and Will have been talking for awhile and we're both pretty sober he drinks my strongbow (eventhough he hates it) because i asked him too we share a glass of water its all very romantic... i kid but it was nice.
cut more stuff out and i end up wearing his jumper and lying on his shoulder while everyone is watching a film and casually he makes the move... HIS ARM IS NOW AROUND ME
happy times
BUT
then it hits me
SHIT i really need a wee!
but i can't move because if i move this might not happen again we might just sit there and nothing will happen!
so i have a little argument between my brain and my bladder and it goes as follows: "i really need a wee! but you cant get up this may not happen again just sit down and it'll go away! but i really need to! NO STAY THERE! NO I NEED TO GO TO THE LOO RIGHT NOW MY BLADDER IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE!"
so i casually get up and as soon as im out of sight peg it to the loo. stupid stupid alcohol being a stupid diuretic...
so wee, fix my hair and come back, all nervous and sit down expecting the worst.
but he puts his arm back around me.
happy times
and as we were sitting on a leather sofa it was a bit slippy, you know the type so i end up lying on his chest.
now, i have to make sure he's okay with this, otherwise im just making a twat out of myself, so casually i say "if my shoulder blade is digging into your chest tell me and i'll move" but he says he's fine with it. YAY. my hands are in my lap and casually will puts his hand in mine, i start playing with his fingers and quickly he moves his hand so now its a finger clasp hand holdy thing yaaay. (sorry its really hard to explain but just try and imagine 'kay? )
so we're watching a film, laughing, whispering to each other, faces really close and it's all good,
so my dad picks me up later and i realise i didnt give him my number, dang, this could have gone somewhere but i'm sleepy and looking forward to bed and being carried along by the beauty of a successful flirt.
skip to tomorrow. (im now going to compare his behaviour to one of a boy i had the same sort of experience with a few weeks before, he's called Ben.)
So Will adds me on facebook, i had to add Ben
Will starts talking to me on facebook chat, Ben never even bothered.
so, it's looking up.
we talk and we realise that that we like the same music etc and its looking even more up, its looking VERY up in fact!
so i go for it. slip him my number via faceyb, lovely.
and now it is two weeks (tomorrow) since i met him and we have exchanged 580 plus texts in that time, conversation not always thrilling but he keeps it going, texts me first, when im busy he'll wait until the time i'm free and then text me yay! he mentioned meeting up, yay! and told me we'd like to come to prom with me, double yay! so things are looking very up on this.... hopefully.
you see the doubt has set in. firstly, things we looking very good, he saw me at the bus stop and still kept texting me so it obviously meant that he doesn't think i'm an ugly munter!
but i met up with him today at the bus stop and it wasnt very awkward but it wasnt amazing, casual banter but i was worried that he had thought better of me, stupid me, jumping to stupid conclusions.
i think it's just that it's got to the point where i just have to tell myself it isn't going to happen because it NEVER does, as i've told you before.
this always happens with me, i worry, i then decide to put myself out there and WHAM i'm put down, sad times.
but he did text me after the bus stop chat so, maybe it's all okay? but maybe he's just being polite because we're going to prom together?
and maybe i'll just die a spinster....
tragic.
i have been in this stage many a time and NOTHING GOOD EVER COMES OF IT, well in my life anyway.
I'll go through the story and you can see for yourself why i am in SUCH A PICKLE.
so i went to a party of a guy who i know through a friend, it turned out it was less of a party and more of a gathering but from past experiences i knew most of the people there so it's all cool.
to cut a long story short i get drunk very fast and make a bit of tit out of myself and end up talking to Will, you see, i recognised him from somewhere but in my drunken haze i had forgotten.
so we talk, i remember, we joke and create our own little private joke and things were going marvellously!
it got cold and dark so we all went inside.
and by now me and Will have been talking for awhile and we're both pretty sober he drinks my strongbow (eventhough he hates it) because i asked him too we share a glass of water its all very romantic... i kid but it was nice.
cut more stuff out and i end up wearing his jumper and lying on his shoulder while everyone is watching a film and casually he makes the move... HIS ARM IS NOW AROUND ME
happy times
BUT
then it hits me
SHIT i really need a wee!
but i can't move because if i move this might not happen again we might just sit there and nothing will happen!
so i have a little argument between my brain and my bladder and it goes as follows: "i really need a wee! but you cant get up this may not happen again just sit down and it'll go away! but i really need to! NO STAY THERE! NO I NEED TO GO TO THE LOO RIGHT NOW MY BLADDER IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE!"
so i casually get up and as soon as im out of sight peg it to the loo. stupid stupid alcohol being a stupid diuretic...
so wee, fix my hair and come back, all nervous and sit down expecting the worst.
but he puts his arm back around me.
happy times
and as we were sitting on a leather sofa it was a bit slippy, you know the type so i end up lying on his chest.
now, i have to make sure he's okay with this, otherwise im just making a twat out of myself, so casually i say "if my shoulder blade is digging into your chest tell me and i'll move" but he says he's fine with it. YAY. my hands are in my lap and casually will puts his hand in mine, i start playing with his fingers and quickly he moves his hand so now its a finger clasp hand holdy thing yaaay. (sorry its really hard to explain but just try and imagine 'kay? )
so we're watching a film, laughing, whispering to each other, faces really close and it's all good,
so my dad picks me up later and i realise i didnt give him my number, dang, this could have gone somewhere but i'm sleepy and looking forward to bed and being carried along by the beauty of a successful flirt.
skip to tomorrow. (im now going to compare his behaviour to one of a boy i had the same sort of experience with a few weeks before, he's called Ben.)
So Will adds me on facebook, i had to add Ben
Will starts talking to me on facebook chat, Ben never even bothered.
so, it's looking up.
we talk and we realise that that we like the same music etc and its looking even more up, its looking VERY up in fact!
so i go for it. slip him my number via faceyb, lovely.
and now it is two weeks (tomorrow) since i met him and we have exchanged 580 plus texts in that time, conversation not always thrilling but he keeps it going, texts me first, when im busy he'll wait until the time i'm free and then text me yay! he mentioned meeting up, yay! and told me we'd like to come to prom with me, double yay! so things are looking very up on this.... hopefully.
you see the doubt has set in. firstly, things we looking very good, he saw me at the bus stop and still kept texting me so it obviously meant that he doesn't think i'm an ugly munter!
but i met up with him today at the bus stop and it wasnt very awkward but it wasnt amazing, casual banter but i was worried that he had thought better of me, stupid me, jumping to stupid conclusions.
i think it's just that it's got to the point where i just have to tell myself it isn't going to happen because it NEVER does, as i've told you before.
this always happens with me, i worry, i then decide to put myself out there and WHAM i'm put down, sad times.
but he did text me after the bus stop chat so, maybe it's all okay? but maybe he's just being polite because we're going to prom together?
and maybe i'll just die a spinster....
tragic.
Friday, 29 April 2011
Red. White. Blue.
It is quite late and i actually could really do with some sleep HOWEVER I thought I'd take the opportunity to tell you all about my little low key royal wedding obsession.
Yes. That's right. It broke me. Then converted me.
You see the thing is I'm not into all that street party malarky, it doesn't really float my boat tbh. (So that cricket guy on the Morrisons ad can piss off!) But I'm well into all the will and Kate stuff, I just think its cute, a bit gag but still cute :) i think I know why I'm excited, its because ill get to gloat to the grand kids. Now I would like you to close your eyes and imagine yourself saying to your own grandchildren "I was alive when king William and queen Kate got married, SO SUCK IT BIATCH!" What a glorious feeling, am I right or am I right? So to mark the momentous occasion ive painted my nails in the union jack colours, feeling pretty fly not gunna lie. Today has been alright but v. V. Stressful thank the lord for this long weekend! You see I lost a piece of my art coursework... possibly the worse thing to EVER happen to me. But today my babe of a teacher found it. I could have kissed her (if it wasn't illegal and wrong) but I'm very very glad its all sorted out. And considering this is a blog about my love life here's a little tasty nugget for you to chow down on, Luke has lost his v. But sent me a cute song because he 'thought id like it'
All I can say is WTH!? More tomorrow :)
And lastly I'm sorry for any typos I'm a technophobe and I don't know how this blasted contraption of a phone works properly.
Tragic.
Wednesday, 27 April 2011
late sozza. Chocolate Egg Scoffing and Full Frontal Hugging.
Ok i'm sorry for being late! i've realised i've not posted in a while and for that i am truly, truly sorry BUT i now have a snazzy new app on my phone which means i can blog ON THE GO. i know, i've entered the 21st century. can i just say now that at the rate i'm eating easter eggs i will be obese and loveless by the time i'm 20. and the worse thing is i got home from school and ate:
right i can't remember where i was in life.
so i think i'll just start from the second part of the Luke sitch. (okay i've now read where i got up to and go from there) i told you, this story is LONG.
Okay, so Luke quit drama just after the "i just want to be friends episode" i don't know if i told you but i thought i'd re-say it just in case i hadn't as this point is key, SO REMEMBER IT. you'll be tested at the end, no you won't but i liked saying it, in my head i put on a teacher's voice.
yes he quit drama the idiot that he is, i think he was thinking of leaving but i was the final straw in the lameness of his life with drama in it. so what did he do? kill two birds with one stone! quit drama so his friends stop calling him a pussy (i dont know but this probably happened) and quit me. for awhile....
so yeah the stuff i told you before happened and now we're up to the UNTIL bit, well just before it but i'll tell you now sir i promise i'll get there in a minute, promise! :)
so Luke dropped out the drama and therefore dropped out the play, no more love scenes with our characters then, and by the way to futher the annoyance felt for our dear old Luke i will say he dropped out, without telling anyone. he's a coward, and over the time i have known him i have come to that conclusion.
but the SHOW MUST GO ON. gosh i'm lame...
so who do they ask to take over Luke's role?
who already knows the part?
who is in the morning drama group?
the one.
the only.
Henry. ( told you he came back! and can i point out we have not spoken in over 4 years)
so Henry has grown up, as have i, and he is now a professional, unknown boy but with the humour and voice that i remember (when i say voice i mean singing not that he's voice hadn't broken, now that would have been weird) it was kind of nice having a old friend around. to be honest, Henry and i hadn't left things on the best of terms and, i dont know, it showed there wasn't any hard feelings when i left for another school.
SO NOW IS THE UNTIL!
so one day Henry and i are practising one of the love scenes and just on my line "i don't care what anyone else thinks, i want to go into law and it's because i think i'm a pretty good judge of character" you know proper going for it, flirting, leaning in for the kiss, giving it my all as i realise that it has gone eerily quiet.
i turn round and who is standing the the doorway?
Luke.
fml.
i think at that point i'm in a state of shock staring at him in my head screaming HOW MUCH DID HE SEE?! THIS IS SO AWKWARD.
so Luke then shuffles in saying "i bought these for all of you" gives Doris the celebrations he has and leaves
surreal.
very surreal.
later i kicked the sweets for good measure ;) i'm so mature.
Henry and i rehearsal a bit more and it's nice and (my friends reading this who know Henry are going to kill me) it was a bit flirty, and i have to say i enjoyed it, after the Luke fiasco it was kind of nice having a boy flirt with me, want to impress me, does that make me sound like a slag? i reread and i will answer my own question: yes. yes it does.
anyway it's HOW I FELT!
it gets to the show and i'm feeling okay, i mean i can't sing my solo (you need lungs of a god which i sadly don't possess) but everything is okay i mean i'm not even nervous. until. who turns up to watch?
Luke. I MEAN IF HE COULD BE ARSED TO WATCH WHY COULDNT HE ACTUALLY BE IN IT? the tit.
and while we watch the smaller children's performance i sit between Henry and Luke. awkward. awkward. awkward.
Henry and i make private jokes from other rehearsals which Luke tries and joins in, no Luke, just no.
i KNOW luke is trying to make the effort but i think you will agree with me that it was a little too late. and i thought i'd just piss him off. just a little.
so when Henry and I stand in our places ready to go on, okay now i am a LITTLE nervous, i'm about to clip in my radio mic and OOPS, i drop it. and it breaks.
like i say i'm a little nervous! i know. i'm a fail.
i want the world to swallow me up and the lights go up so they can fix it. i am. ashamed.
Henry is laughing at me and teasing me but actually being rather nice about it all, i have my face in my hands and all i can do is laugh, the situation is just TOO unbearable. and then IN FULL VIEW OF LUKE Henry hugs me and laughs at me telling me it's okay. we do the show, hand holding and all and it goes very well.
end of this little scenario.
i love that these things are really not that big and i'm still telling you all about it.
tragic.
- half an easter egg
- 5 mini cream eggs
- a square of some weird french chocolate
right i can't remember where i was in life.
so i think i'll just start from the second part of the Luke sitch. (okay i've now read where i got up to and go from there) i told you, this story is LONG.
Okay, so Luke quit drama just after the "i just want to be friends episode" i don't know if i told you but i thought i'd re-say it just in case i hadn't as this point is key, SO REMEMBER IT. you'll be tested at the end, no you won't but i liked saying it, in my head i put on a teacher's voice.
yes he quit drama the idiot that he is, i think he was thinking of leaving but i was the final straw in the lameness of his life with drama in it. so what did he do? kill two birds with one stone! quit drama so his friends stop calling him a pussy (i dont know but this probably happened) and quit me. for awhile....
so yeah the stuff i told you before happened and now we're up to the UNTIL bit, well just before it but i'll tell you now sir i promise i'll get there in a minute, promise! :)
so Luke dropped out the drama and therefore dropped out the play, no more love scenes with our characters then, and by the way to futher the annoyance felt for our dear old Luke i will say he dropped out, without telling anyone. he's a coward, and over the time i have known him i have come to that conclusion.
but the SHOW MUST GO ON. gosh i'm lame...
so who do they ask to take over Luke's role?
who already knows the part?
who is in the morning drama group?
the one.
the only.
Henry. ( told you he came back! and can i point out we have not spoken in over 4 years)
so Henry has grown up, as have i, and he is now a professional, unknown boy but with the humour and voice that i remember (when i say voice i mean singing not that he's voice hadn't broken, now that would have been weird) it was kind of nice having a old friend around. to be honest, Henry and i hadn't left things on the best of terms and, i dont know, it showed there wasn't any hard feelings when i left for another school.
SO NOW IS THE UNTIL!
so one day Henry and i are practising one of the love scenes and just on my line "i don't care what anyone else thinks, i want to go into law and it's because i think i'm a pretty good judge of character" you know proper going for it, flirting, leaning in for the kiss, giving it my all as i realise that it has gone eerily quiet.
i turn round and who is standing the the doorway?
Luke.
fml.
i think at that point i'm in a state of shock staring at him in my head screaming HOW MUCH DID HE SEE?! THIS IS SO AWKWARD.
so Luke then shuffles in saying "i bought these for all of you" gives Doris the celebrations he has and leaves
surreal.
very surreal.
later i kicked the sweets for good measure ;) i'm so mature.
Henry and i rehearsal a bit more and it's nice and (my friends reading this who know Henry are going to kill me) it was a bit flirty, and i have to say i enjoyed it, after the Luke fiasco it was kind of nice having a boy flirt with me, want to impress me, does that make me sound like a slag? i reread and i will answer my own question: yes. yes it does.
anyway it's HOW I FELT!
it gets to the show and i'm feeling okay, i mean i can't sing my solo (you need lungs of a god which i sadly don't possess) but everything is okay i mean i'm not even nervous. until. who turns up to watch?
Luke. I MEAN IF HE COULD BE ARSED TO WATCH WHY COULDNT HE ACTUALLY BE IN IT? the tit.
and while we watch the smaller children's performance i sit between Henry and Luke. awkward. awkward. awkward.
Henry and i make private jokes from other rehearsals which Luke tries and joins in, no Luke, just no.
i KNOW luke is trying to make the effort but i think you will agree with me that it was a little too late. and i thought i'd just piss him off. just a little.
so when Henry and I stand in our places ready to go on, okay now i am a LITTLE nervous, i'm about to clip in my radio mic and OOPS, i drop it. and it breaks.
like i say i'm a little nervous! i know. i'm a fail.
i want the world to swallow me up and the lights go up so they can fix it. i am. ashamed.
Henry is laughing at me and teasing me but actually being rather nice about it all, i have my face in my hands and all i can do is laugh, the situation is just TOO unbearable. and then IN FULL VIEW OF LUKE Henry hugs me and laughs at me telling me it's okay. we do the show, hand holding and all and it goes very well.
end of this little scenario.
i love that these things are really not that big and i'm still telling you all about it.
tragic.
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