Right guys, i know i said that i'd given up on Graham.... well i lied. i'm sorry, i can only apologise and hope that you don't hate me forever, which i know you won't, i'm great. (that was a joke)
ANYWAY, i'm sure you are a little confused to where this came about and of course as usual i am willing to divulge. right, on friday i was hanging out with my old friends and their boyfriends and to cut a long story short they invited me out to a house party on saturday. now, as you know, i was not going to turn down this opportunity (as you have seem the desperation in my last pathetic post).
so fast forward to saturday, i was feeling fly. had a nice dress on, feeling skinny, make up just right, i could tell it was going to be a good evening. and someone had told me that graham wasn't going which meant i had no worries about this evening, it was going to be BEAUTIFUL. So we get there, i introduce myself to the guy whos party it is because i dont actually know the guy and he didnt know i was coming which, you know, was fun but i managed to manoeuvre myself pretty well around the awkward situation so, in my opinion it wasnt awkward in the slightest! Then onto the pressing matter of mingling. which of course means getting absolutely wasted in order to pluck up the courage to talk to strangers. and the plan is working very well...
UNTIL(oh i know you've already guessed it)
in walks graham.
shit.
hadn't prepared myself for this.
NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.
a friend comes up to me a reiterates the fact that he has actually walked in, you know, just in case i hadn't seen, which i had.
so i then have the decision, ignore or talk.
i chose talk, i mean ignoring would just make it forever awkward. and let me just remind you he had made no effort to speak to me after the last thing so that's why i perceived it as a little awkward. but actually i fucking hate it when people say things were 'awkward'. actually, i don't think there is such a thing, it's only awkward if you make it awkward! and to be honest i've made it my life plan to never consciously decide something is awkward. TANGENT. ANYWAY...
so while i wait for the right opportunity i do the thing we all do - the "i'm-so-engrossed-in-this-conversation-i'm-having-that-i-haven't-notice-anyone-walk-in,-especially-not-you" trick, don't lie, you do it too.
and then i go for it, i quietly stalk him and his friend and then 'accidently' walk past them and 'notice' them (i'm so flippin' smooth) and make a big old deal of saying hi etc and it's alright, so i think good, sorted, done!
i'll make it clear here, i never intended to hang out with Graham the whole evening, at all.
but it sorta just happened, i mean, my memory is a little hazy but i think there were a group of us dancing and we ended up talking and then talking and talking and it carried on from there. i was drunk and it was nice. so now i'll go through events and you can see why i'm confused.
so Graham was meant to go to another party which was fancy dress so he'd come in bowler hat, suit, tie, moustache - the works. and i won't lie, to make the first meeting less painful i stole the hat, and wore it, for most of the evening, and the funny thing is whenever some took it off me he grab it back and give it to me...odd, probably just drunkenness.
he let me sit on him outside and we chatted and then we chatted to everyone else and it turned quite 'coupley' again, and i won't lie to you, i was enjoying myself, and he had the perfect opportunity to kiss me when we were alone, but he didn't... odd, but the night was young and i didn't really care. (such a gay sentence there)
now this time i think i was drunker than graham and at one point i felt so, so, so ill, i mean vom was about to have me in his clutches. so graham offered to take me outside, got me a drink, shared the glass (i'm being petty with details now i know, but usually i think this is a good side, i'm lame) and i'm going to say it again, i was enjoying myself, eventhough i felt like i was about to vomit my insides out, not that i did just to let you know.
and it remained like that, we danced, chatted, he had his arm around me, it was going well in my opinion, very well INDEED.
then it was time to leave, we hugged then i made the awkward move to leave but stay at the same time because in my brain im thinking KISS ME, LAST CHANCE.
then we moved a little then hugged AGAIN, brain's still going KISS ME
then we moved to go get my stuff and we hug AGAIN. and now i'm thinking BLOODY KISS ME YOU TWAT. (drunk anger, i laugh at myself)
but he doesn't.
so here is the most awful bit, i did the classic say what you were thinking and think what you were meant to say, if you don't know what that is i'll explain with my practical example:
i was MEANT to say: "okay see you around!" and think "i don't understand"
BUT WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED WAS THAT
i THOUGHT "okay see you around!" and SAID was "i don't understand"
thank the lord he didnt hear what he said it was "sorry what was that?" "OH, nothing..." moment, so i got out of that fine. then i made him text me this time and he said the whole "i didnt realise i had your number (which he has told me when he had found it the week before), and of course i will", so we BLOODY HUGGED AGAIN, then i went to leave, but drunk brain kicked in again, i ran back (and what you're thinking is probably wrong here)
i didn't kiss him
instead i made him pinky promise to text me.
PINKY PROMISE?!?!
WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?
not a lot evidently.
anyway it turned out it worked in my favour as sitting in church on sunday i feel my phone go off, and it says:
Graham
as pinky promised....
happy days.
but it's been a few days after and things are going okay, i'm not really sure, i mean i'll get two texts at most in a day, it's annoying because you can't get to know a person with two texts each it's IMPOSSIBLE. and you know me, i hate putting myself out there....
spinster 4eva.
tragic.
(sorry for any grammar and spelling mistakes haven't proof read, do that later ;) )
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