Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say.

i don't know how i feel today.
actually i do.
annoyed.
well it isnt even annoyed it's, MILD annoyance.
which is even more annoying because it's not even PROPER annoyance.
i'm bored and annoyed.
it's all because of graham, because i was supposed to go out today, as arranged. you know those things? arrangements? one person speaks to another person via vocal tones, or social network sites or telecommunications devices in which the two people involved come to a mutual agreement that they will meet on a designated time and/or place?
well yeah we had one of those
OR SO I THOUGHT, but apparently it was never arranged even though i remember him saying it when i saw him on monday! shgwertdw <- annoyance fit
basically i can't remember if i said or not but he is going away on wednesday FOR A WHOLE MONTH, annoyance number one but can't do anything about it so that's just being left, it's when everything else is added onto it which makes that annoyance MORE annoying.
so obviously any normal couple would want to spend alot of time together before he leaves, considering now exams are over?
well APPARENTLY we arent a normal couple because that's not happening, and i know that im seeing him the whole weekend and i should just man up or whatever, but the moaning isn't actually nasty, because it's because i WANT to see him not because i don't which is nice isnt it? so surely it means that my annoyance is actually nice annoyance, and not nasty annoyance so surely im allowed to moan because its moaning out of love and not out of hate... i'm lost too, i have no idea what i just said.
anyway, another annoying thing is what i got ditched for....
you want to know?
you REALLY want to know?
computer games.
a night full of computer games.
which i wouldnt mind.... IF HE WASNT GOING AWAY ON WEDNESDAY. seeing how everything links?! oh my first world pains type of life.
it wouldnt have taken the whole evening! i just wanted a nice meal, a little chat, a relaxing thursday, does a girl ask for too much?!
probably.
BUT THAT ISNT THE MOST ANNOYING THING OUT OF THE WHOLE MILDLY ANNOYING SITUATION (oh i know you didn't think i would turn this tiny thing into an even bigger thing, but you forget im a drama student, SO EVERYTHING IS A BIG DEAL)
BASICALLY HE MADE ME MAKE THE DECISION NOT TO SEE HIM EVENTHOUGH HE CLEARLY HAD NO INTENTION OF SEEING ME IN THE FIRST PLACE. swuthwuofw <- second annoyance fit
and this all happened over text
so there was the first annoyance: forgetting we were going to meet up
then the second annoyance: being ditched for an inanimate object
then the third annoyance came very quickly after, and i'll lay it down for you as how i read it...
Him: oh were doing something after school? i was unaware. what did we say was happening?"
 okay here, is the first thing, forgetting, which is annoying but the asking what we arranged was more annoying because we have NEVER planned what we were going to do in town really, we just get there then decide.
Me: "we didn't really decide, if you'd rather go home i have no preference really"
what i really meant: i would like to meet up with you but if you want to go home just say now and stop dragging this out like a bad tv soap
Him: "yeah i dont know, i was planning on playing computer games deep into the night but IF you want to do something we can. it's up to you"
what he actually means: i want to go home but i'm not going to tell you and going to end up making you look needy and worry that you'd dragged me out when i dont want to be there
Me: "nooo it's your last day so you get to decide! all i was thinking of was grabbing food but i wont get out at around your exam finishes and you probably dont want to wait to leave so we can just leave it"
what i really meant: i'm not going to force us to go out because you clearly dont want to, but i want you to want to, but actually i can't be bothered to seem needy so i'll just add an edge to my text and see if you pick up on it....
Him: "if you say so..."
really?
REALLY?
i mean seriously.
that just sounds like you now did want to see me, but now ive turned it down so now i feel annoyed that ive turned it down, but more annoyed that you never told me a preference and now i'm annoyed and confused about what you wanted in the first place!
BLOODY SAY WHAT YOU MEAN!
i might get annoyed....
BUT NOT AS ANNOYED AS I AM NOW.
grrrr.
i'm not going to read this back as i know it makes me sound like a crazy person, but it's times like this i love my blog, all aboard to vent city...




tragic.