i've done a bad thing, and i feel terrible about it but it's all okay now hopefully!
i'll explain today was the last day of my compulsory education and it was a very good day
so i'm feeling confident when i'm walking to the bus stop, may see Will but i haven't told him, planning to be all secret and sweet, only... it doesn't happen quite like that.
Walked up, all confident, then PANIC.
he's in a big, tight group of boys.
What.
Do.
I.
Do?!?!
so i decide. and thinking back it was such a wrong decision. i walk away. stupid i know.
i walked up, and then walk away, in full view of will.
oops.
then as i walk away the regret hits me. I. AM. SUCH. A. TWAT. WHY DIDN'T I JUST GO UP AND SAY HI?! I DID IT YESTERDAY!?
so i spent the whole of the walk to my own bus stop muttering to myself things like "shit, i'm so stupid, fucking idiot" people must have thought i either had tourettes or was insane! sat down on the bus and replied to a old text he sent me earlier in the day only to get: "thanks for that at the bus stop by the way xxx"
and i feel sick.
it was then i realised that i did like him, more than i thought i did.
so i apologise and i mean GROVELLING APOLOGY.
and he accepts it, but i thought i'd apologise again you know just for good measure.
and he was a bit off until we started talking about going camping with friends after exams so happy times, i just hope it last...
tragic.
(sorry this post was written like a week ago and a lot has happened since but i thought i'd post it anyway!)
Btw i thought i'd finish the luke story while im here, im going to cut it down because i don't care about him anymore, dicking me around is not cool ;)
so anyway went to Ireland with a friend for a week and it was lovely; looking for prom dresses etc
But i start getting texts from Luke.
weird i think, i only get texts from him if i text him first.... odd.
so i reply and it gets pretty damn flirty. even odder (is that a word? i dont think so)
i even get the "who are you taking to prom" conversation we end up deciding he'll come with me (this is not that case now! just you wait...) and when i tell him about my prom dress he tells me how i'll look "stunning" WITH KISSES. now this boy never does kisses. this is big. really big.
So i decide to get very forward and say "if you want to come to prom you have to prove to me you are mature/capable enough" (coy i know just kidding im such a fail)
he says, "how do i prove i'm mature/capable enough?"
"a mature/capable person would know what to do"
"okay, i'll take you out" is the reply i get, happy days!
So we go out when i get back on the sunday and see a nice film and have a nice time and talk and laugh and it's not awkward because it's the cinema, the cinema is never an awkward date.
and things are looking up, nothing happens but i have a good feeling.
that good feeling was so wrong.
he says later that he doesn't actually like me.
and month later guess what i found out?
Luke went to a party.
Got drunk.
And lost his V.
I'M SO DONE WITH THIS SHODDY THING!
but i'm so glad he's out of my life, nothing but trouble!
i have to show you our latest conversation.
L: hi
Me: hiya
L: how are you?
M: alright you?
L: yeah i'm good
*long pause*
L:what have you been up to?
M: art coursework nothing much, you?
L: chilling after a crazy party!
M: aha
*END OF CONVERSATION*
I LOVE 'AHA' IT IS THE BEST CONVERSATION END EVER! it's like i acknowledge your point but do not find it amusing or want to comment on it... now kindly leave. its just a small noise. IT'S THE BEST! now that i have showed you it take the power and use it to your own advantage.
we probably could start an 'aha' cult, it's that good....
tragic.
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